What’s the Opposite of an Ode?

Disgusting Sabres, how do I hate thee?  Let me count the ways.

1. You suck.

2. You make me physically sick. I was at that game, and my eyes are still burning from the disgusting sight of it.  My stomach is still churning from the noxious bile your game inspired.

3. You have no geese on your team, and I hate you for it. *angry, disgusted HONK*

4. You’re ugly.  Yeah, I said it.

5. You employ Jason Pominville who is both disgusting and dispassionate.

6. You employ Thomas Vanek who is slaggy, overpaid, hideous, and who makes the post previous to this one look ridiculous.  He’s never scoring again.

7. Your uniforms are an embarrassment.

8. You play highlights from previous games during the game, which you seem to think will get the crowd pumped up.  You are wrong.  Seeing highlights of the Sabres scoring against the Devils only enrages us.

9. Tyler Myers is stupidly tall and his neck is annoyingly long.

10. You employ Drew Stafford, who is probably twittering something assy RIGHT NOW, when all he should be doing is tweeting over and over again, “On behalf of the Buffalo Sabres, I hotpologize for that steaming pile of poo.”  Unless it’s an hotpology, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, STAFFY.

11. You have NO ONE on the team who can score a clutch goal.  This makes me think of Chris Drury AND THAT MAKES ME HATE YOU.

12. You employ Lindy Ruff who will probably be lauded tomorrow in the papers for not “sugar coating it” in his post-game comments.  Barf.  He’ll most likely respond to this debacle by playing Ryan Miller for the next 18,329 games.

13. You employ Mike Grier because if you didn’t, these losers would probably be high on reefer all the time.  They’d never ever win because they’d be too busy binging on Cheetos and making faces behind Lindy’s back.  They need a babysitter, and it grosses me out.

14. You didn’t even TRY to win tonight. (Don’t even TRY to tell me that you tried.  DON’T EVEN TRY.)

15. My row has a freaking GATE at the end of it, and I CAN’T GET OUT, AND I HATE YOU FOR IT.

16. Until tonight, your record with me in attendance was 6-0, and I hate you for ruining it.  Yeah, I know I should just be grateful I’ve seen so many good games already this year, BUT I’M NOT.  I HATE you for turning me into a douchebag.

17. It was icy outside tonight, AND I BLAME YOU.

18. You made me practically cheer for the opposition BECAUSE THIS SHUTOUT ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING.  I might actually like Marty Brodeur more than I like you.  A-holes.

19. I hate you for making me even THINK about yelling, “Shooooot!  SHOOT!  ARRRRGH, SHOOT YOU MOTHER EFFERS.”

20. I hate your hotdogs.

21. I hate the UB Neurosurgery Brain Bender.

22. I hate the mini-blimp.

23. I hate that you list “cheese cup” as a menu item.

24. I hate that when I come in I have to open my coat for the security guard.  I don’t like being forced to flash guys I don’t know.  Pervs.

25. I hate Tim Connolly.

26. I love Ryan Miller.  I hate you for not being uniformly disgusting and hateable.

27. You’re stupid, and ugly, and lame, and 100% NOT cool.

28. I hate you for making me think about tenth place tonight.  TENTH PLACE.


15 Responses to “What’s the Opposite of an Ode?”

  1. 1 Jessica December 7, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    Oooh Kate, I think you hit ALL of the lowlights. Every last effing one of them. Love it. (Your blog, not the Sabres right now. OF COURSE!)

  2. 2 mcguffers December 7, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    Seeing highlights of the Sabres scoring against the Devils only enrages us.

    I KNOW!! We were like, “Why are they showing us this? To remind us we should have bought tickets to that game?”

    This list is awesome and completely sums up the entire game.

  3. 3 PKB December 7, 2009 at 11:28 pm

    HAHA cheese cups. They should switch up the menu on nights like this and offer nachos with cyanide capsules sprinkled on top like they normally do with jalepenos.

    You have a gate at the end of your row? That’s asinine. The only place in the arena I can think of that has that is the zamboni entrance but those rows only have like one or two seats.

  4. 4 cd_randall December 8, 2009 at 12:03 am

    That. Was. AWESOME (said like Kevin from the Office).

  5. 5 Caroline December 8, 2009 at 1:16 am

    22. I hate the mini-blimp.

    ME TOO.

  6. 6 Jeff December 8, 2009 at 8:55 am

    Hey, you were dead on with all of that…#12 was published in Sabres Edge lastnight.

  7. 7 Lindsey December 8, 2009 at 9:14 am

    AWESOME! My fav: You have NO ONE on the team who can score a clutch goal. This makes me think of Chris Drury AND THAT MAKES ME HATE YOU.

  8. 8 Erin December 8, 2009 at 9:52 am

    Thank you for this.

  9. 9 Matt December 8, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    24. I hate that when I come in I have to open my coat for the security guard. I don’t like being forced to flash guys I don’t know. Pervs

    Pssst! I think you’re expected to wear additional clothing under that trenchcoat. Not complaining, just saying…

  10. 10 Kathleen December 8, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Heh. That’s a lot of hate. The scene in #13 is both hilarious and alarmingly easy to picture. The Sabres should be required to hand-write hotpologies to every fan in attendance. (And maybe Marty should be writing the Sabres thank-hot letters for handing him such an effortless shutout.

    I still fall for cranky Lindy though. I just can’t help it.

  11. 11 Katebits December 8, 2009 at 11:59 pm

    Matt, :^::::::::::::::::::: Darn it! I thought getting dressed for the hockey game was the same as getting dressed for a walk in the park: Take off all clothes, put on trenchcoat. :P

    Thanks for liking this one, guys! I hadn’t written a spittle-flying rage-y post in so long that I wasn’t sure how it would go over.

  12. 12 Katebits December 9, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    It seems a little harsh.

  13. 13 Mom December 9, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Oops that was you logged in on my computer. I still think you are being a little harsh.

  14. 14 Katebits December 9, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Oh, Mom. :P You don’t KNOW how annoying they are.

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In accordance with the Fair Use Copyright Law, The Willful Caboose uses logos and registered trademarks of the National Hockey League to convey my criticism and inform the public of the Sabres' suckitude/badassitude (whatever the case may be). Photos on The Willful Caboose are used without permission, but do not interfere with said owner's profit. If you own a specific image on this site and want it removed, please e-mail me (willfulcaboose [at] gmail [dot] com) and I will be more than happy willing to oblige. (Special thanks to The Pensblog for their help with this disclaimer.)



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