Dear So and So,

Dear Sabres,

Well, that game wasn’t 100% terrible, I suppose. It was about 50% terrible, and 40% decent, and 10% foxy.  Goose getting up in Chara’s grill was foxy, as was the OT penalty kill.  The first period was vomit inducing, the second period was feisty, and the third period was butt-clenchingly stressful.

What’s wrong with you guys?  Is this all because Crunchy came back down to earth? You revert back to middling when Miller plays like a mortal?  That’s kind of gross, you guys.

I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty psyched about the Olympic break.

With (possibly grave) Concern,



Dear Darcy,

THEY ARE PRACTICALLY BEGGING YOU TO MAKE A MOVE.  It could NOT be more obvious that it is time to make some adjustments to this team.  They are TANKING right before the TRADE DEADLINE.  FOR THE LOVE OF LINDY RUFF, LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR TEAM IS TRYING TO TELL YOU.

DO YOU HAVE EYES AND EARS?  This team is begging for a shake-up.  THEY ARE BEGGING YOU FOR A SHAKE-UP.


Do something,



Dear Citizens of the United States of America,

Look. You’re going to hear some stuff about Ryan “Crunchy” Miller in the next couple of weeks. Blob Costas on NBC is going to go on and on about how wonderful he is, and how Miller is the man you want between the pipes fighting for the Good Old U-S-of-A. The narrative of Crunchy’s genius is going to be intense.

And you know what? He IS wonderful. He’s interesting, smart and funny. He’s a PERFECTLY adorable weirdo. He’s often brilliant at his job.

But I’ve got some bad news for you, America. Ryan Miller is….not very good lately. I know. It’s a disappointment. The sooner we come to terms with it, the better.

Pray that it doesn’t go to a shootout. Pray hard.




Dear Ryan “Crunchy” Miller,

Just tank it. Play as few games as possible, DON’T GET HURT, and spend the second half of the Olympics sleeping with a variety of exotic athletes in the notoriously raucous Olympic Village.

I’m forgiving you in advance for sucking in the Olympics.

I am begging you, Crunchy, whatever you do, don’t come back more tired/insane/whackadoo than you already are. Just treat this whole experience like a bizarre vacation. Enjoy yourself.

Also, keep your therapist on speed dial.

With love love love,



Dear Tyler Myers,

I’ve been trying to tell you for WEEKS that your neck is too long. I’m surprised you don’t get hit in the neck EVERY game. Skating around with that thing is just asking for trouble.

I’m SUPER glad you’re okay,



Dear Chara,




13 Responses to “Dear So and So,”

  1. 1 Jillian February 10, 2010 at 12:00 am

    I’m surprised the booing on Chara lasted as long as it did in the arena, haha. The crowd never gave up!

  2. 2 Katebits February 10, 2010 at 1:10 am

    Jillian I was a little surprised that people weren’t bothering to boo him even before the Goose incident. I’ve been to many games where we’ve devotedly booed him for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

  3. 3 sheri February 10, 2010 at 2:10 am

    being zdeno chara is reason enough to be booed. no real reason needed. ive always wondered though if he gets it like he does in buffalo in other cities. also goose pulling him down to his height just about killed me. he deserves so many honks for that.

  4. 4 Kitten February 10, 2010 at 8:26 am

    Props to Goose for attempting the climb without a ladder.

  5. 5 SueInVA February 10, 2010 at 9:51 am

    I’m glad I recorded this one. I was out of the house during most of the game. I caught 2/3 of the third period. I will try to watch it when I get home. So the booing was mostly because Chara wouldn’t fight Goose? What a punk! Man up. Didn’t Mair fight with an already broken nose! Geez.

    (You can’t tell that I am not a big hockey fight fan, can you?)

  6. 6 Kathleen February 10, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Heh, the other day I was wishing Crunchy could use the break for some desperately needed R&R with umbrella drinks and babes in bikinis, but no, he has to go to the Olympics. But you’re right – there may not be any tiny umbrellas or bikinis, but he should stil be able to have lots of that kind of fun. At least, I hope he does.

    Chara is beyond disgusting. I’m pretty sure he drove an elbow hard into Goose’s back and then swung it up at his head when they were jostling in front of the net. I wholeheartedly admire and support the arena’s dedication to booing him.

    And it isn’t Myler’s fault he got hit – it’s Pie-YAY!’s. The whole game is his fault.

  7. 7 Katebits February 10, 2010 at 11:36 am

    EDITOR’S NOTE: I changed the percentages in the first letter this morning. After sleeping on it, I decided that the game was 50% terrible, not 40. Sorry for any confusion this might have caused. :P

  8. 8 ToonTom February 10, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Thanks for pointing out the timing to Darcy. Losing three games to three subpar, non-playoff teams while being outmatched by two contenders prior to that is not a sign of needing to address issues within. Someone needs to be shipped to wake these guys up.

  9. 9 Katebits February 10, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    From my friend Christina:



  10. 10 Caroline February 10, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    …spend the second half of the Olympics sleeping with a variety of exotic athletes in the notoriously raucous Olympic Village.

    If he comes back from the Olympics with a little extra zing and swagger in his step, then I think we’ll all know why.

  11. 11 Jeanne February 10, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    “If he comes back from the Olympics with a little extra zing and swagger in his step, then I think we’ll all know why.”

    As long as he doesn’t also come back with a little extra sting and itching in his step….

  12. 12 Meghan February 11, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    I was secretly hoping that Chara would run (skate?!) off the ice crying because of all the booing.

  1. 1 TRW’s Weekly Rewind Re-find: We suck. « The Ruff Writers Trackback on February 11, 2010 at 4:56 pm

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