Heather and Katebits Figure It All Out

Last night Heather B. and I had a long convoluted conversation on twitter.  If you follow both of us, and you happened to be lurking quietly on twitter at about 12:30am, you probably saw the entire conversation unfold.  If that’s case, I apologize for subjecting you to this nonsense for a second time.  But the rest of you HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS, because Heather and I are GENIUSES.

Alright. I guess it all started when Mike Harrington sent me a link to his Sabres Edge post which contains this video:

Hearing Thomas Vanek speaking German was a revelation for me.  How have I never fully realized that Vanek is AUSTRIAN?!   He’s AUSTRIAN, you guys!  That explains EVERYTHING.   Of course I knew before last night that Vanek is Austrian, but something about seeing him sternly lecturing those little school children in a language I don’t understand really drove the point home.  You can take the boy out of Austria, but you can’t take the Austria out of the boy.  Vanek came to North America when he was 14, and he eventually became a Golden Gopher.  I think I’ve been thinking about him as a Minnesotan all this time.


When you’re suddenly all, “Ooooh, riiiight.  He’s AUSTRIAN,” about a dude, naturally, the first thing you’re going to do is ask yourself, “Is Vanek, in fact, exactly like Captain Von Trapp?”

Let’s go to the video….


Vanek IS exactly like Captain Von Trapp!

I’ll admit, Vanek is not as nearly as handsome as Captain Von Trapp, and as much as I wish it were otherwise, his singing voice is atrocious, but you’ve GOT to admit that there are plenty of other similarities.   He’s a reluctant leader, he’s grouchy for no apparent reason, he HATES singing, he’s completely humorless, and while I don’t know this to be true, it seems VERY likely that Vanek calls his children with a dog whistle.

Heather suggested that maybe Vanek is so grouchy because Pommers and Roy-Z don’t respond to the whistle properly, which led to us comparing all the Sabres to characters in “The Sound of Music”.  (Heather hilariously suggested that Roy-Z is Liesl.  [He thinks he knows everything now that he’s sixteen.])   We quickly deduced that perhaps the biggest problem with the Sabres is that they have no obvious Maria.  How can a hockey team find love, win the Stanley Cup, become a musical sensation, and escape from the Nazis if they have no Maria?!

Mike Grier seems to us to be the closest thing we’ve got to a Maria…..which is hilarious when you think about it.  Ryan Miller also briefly played the role of Maria when we started imagining Goose, Tyler Myers and Butts wearing wimples and singing, “How do you Solve a Problem Like Crunchy?”

So, there we were, casting all the Sabres in “The Sound Of Music,” when Heather had the funniest idea in the history of EVER.  The Sabres goal song should be “Climb Every Mountain.”   I KNOW.  SHE’S A GENIUS.

I urge you to press play on this video so you can remember for yourself HOW MUCH THIS SONG KICKS ASS.   The goal celebration music should start at the 1:44 mark.

I’m sure you will agree that “Climb Every Mountain” is THE BEST GOAL SONG EVER. It’s rousing, it’s inspirational, it’s soaring, and it’s sung by a WARBLING NUN!   WHAT COULD BE BETTER?!

In addition to being hilarious and TOTALLY AWESOME, “Climb Every Mountain” would be EXCELLENT for annoying Roy-Z and Timmeh.   I feel like 9 and 19 really think they’re too cool for school, and the best thing for them would be to have to celebrate goals to the sound of a nun belting out an inspirational melody about perseverance.



The Sabres are back tonight!  If all goes well, maybe this is the year the Sabres actually WILL climb every mountain.  Happy Hockey, Dear Readers!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!




14 Responses to “Heather and Katebits Figure It All Out”

  1. 1 KevinP October 8, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    This makes no sense.

    Also, I have never watched The Sound of Music.

    Could there be a correlation?

  2. 2 Katebits October 8, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    1. You’ve NEVER watched the Sound of Music?! That’s INCREDIBLY weird, Kevin. FREAK!

    2. No, this post should make absolute sense to everyone, regardless of their experience level with the movie. Did you listen to the song?! How can you not agree that that is the best goal song ever?

  3. 3 Heather B. October 8, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Kevin, all you really need to know is that Derek Roy is a whiny, thinks-he-knows-everything teenager who keeps bringing home Nazis by accident. The rest seems pretty self-explanatory.

  4. 4 mcguffers October 8, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Vanek wrote a book?! I seriously need to start paying more attention to off-ice Sabres.

    And now I’m totally picturing Vanek yelling at Roy, “Stop bringing the Nazis home, Sie huren.”

  5. 5 Mike October 8, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    I gotta say, it’s a hoot following you two on Twitter when you go off on crazy tangents like this.

  6. 6 Amy October 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    I read the Twitter tangent this morning and it was hilarious then and it’s hilarious now.

    And Crunchy could totally play Maria. You know he uses “I Have Confidence” as his pregame warm-up pep talk to himself.

    I just wonder if we could ever get some super secret locker room footage of the Sabres playing with the marionette set the Baroness got them. You know they would have a blast singing “The Lonely Goatherd.”

  7. 7 SueInVA October 8, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    “Climb every mountain” Cool!

    I was going to suggest the Hawaii Five 0 theme song ’cause it’s just so cool but you have a good idea here! “… til you find your dream”!

    (Christopher Plummer’s rendition of “Eidelweis” always makes me cry!!)

  8. 8 Sam October 8, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    I love it.

    You and Heather B ARE genuises. genui? Yeah. I had a nice laugh picturing Royzie as Liesl and Vanek as Captain Von Trapp. Well played. :)

  9. 9 Grrrreg October 9, 2010 at 5:08 am

    Oooh that’s fantastic! The Sound of Music was a true classic in my family when I was a kid, we knew the lyrics of every song (in French of course)…

    Do, le do il a bon dos
    Ré, rayon le soleil d’or
    Mi, c’est la moitié d’un tout
    Fa, c’est facile à chanter
    Sol, la terre où vous marchez
    La, l’endroit où vous allez
    Si, c’est siffler comme un merle
    Et comme ca on revient à Do

    BUT I can’t believe you didn’t pick that one as a goal song.
    Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo!
    I think it would be much more appropriate. :)

  10. 10 Gambler October 9, 2010 at 10:16 am

    You can take the boy out of Austria, but you can’t take the Austria out of the boy.

    Boy, you can say that again, because that Austrian dialect he’s sporting is BONKERS. I love it. Thanks so much for posting that video!

    And, needless to say, Climb Every Mountain would be an awesome goal celebration song. I hope whoever makes that decision is reading this post, because it needs to happen.

  11. 11 Jessica October 9, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I SWEAR at around the 45 second mark Vanek says “Arena beer”! Could that be a chapter in this book?

    Kate and Heather, you have got me thinking that instead of doing that center ice stick salute after big home wins the Sabres should exit to the “So Long, Farewell” song, one by one, just like the Von Trapp children. Little Nathan Gerbe would OF COURSE be the last one to depart, lingering over the logo, singing, “goooood byeeeee….” in an unnaturally high voice.

    This metaphor is rife with possibilities.

  12. 12 Kate-O October 9, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    My mom recently found a stack of my old piano music, and as I was looking through it earlier today, I found my sheet music for the Sound of Music. I’d forgotten I even had sheet music for it. It’s a sign! The analogy is perfect! I have to agree that Crunchy is definitely Maria.

    Little Nathan Gerbe would OF COURSE be the last one to depart, lingering over the logo, singing, “goooood byeeeee….”

    I’ve been picturing that exact scene, too!

  13. 13 Katebits October 9, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    HAHAHA! You guys are so good at this game!

    Jessica, after Gerbe falls asleep at center ice because he’s up so far past his bedtime, Goose can gather him up in his arms and carry him to his bed.

    Fair warning to all readers of this blog: Last night I bought the Sound of Music soundtrack. I have NO intention of letting this one go anytime soon. This joke should keep me occupied for the entirety of the season.

  14. 14 Shauna October 11, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Bringing hockey and The Sound of Music together is one more reason why I heart U!

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