(This post is the second in a series of posts dedicated to studying the roster photos of the Sabres in an effort to figure out why they can’t play hockey anymore. We must save future generations of Sabres so that they do not have to suffer as these Sabres are suffering now.)
Woe are Sabres fans! Just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse, the Sabres played a game at home against the Bruins. Oh the horrors these eyes have seen!
All of Buffalo is ablaze trying to figure out what s wrong with this disaster of a team. At The Willful Caboose Research Laboratories, we understand that careful analysis of roster photos is the fastest and best way to correctly diagnose a hockey team. Today we take a closer look at two key members of the defense.
Craig Rivet is the captain of the Sabres, and we here at The Willful Caboose Research Laboratories have a certain amount of sympathy for his plight. His job is not easy, but it’s vitally important. Someone has to talk to the media with a straight face after all these losses, and sadly for Craig Rivet, that job falls to him. Off the ice, we think he’s performed admirably in the face of trying times. He sounds intelligent and rational in his interviews, which we find reassuring, because at this point it’s difficult to say who is in charge of this team, and honestly, we think they could do worse than Craig Rivet if they’re looking for leadership. (pleasedon’tmakeRoy-Zcaptain, pleasedon’tmakeRoy-Zcaptain, pleasedon’tmakeRoy-Zcaptain)
ON the ice, he’s been quite poopy.
What can we learn from Craig Rivet?
As usual, the roster photos paint a picture, clear as day.
Ah, I think I see what happened here. It appears that in 2008, after the start of what looked like a promising career, Craig Rivet became a Sabre. He also appears to have gotten old.
Analysis: Becoming a Sabre and getting old at the same time is an absolutely lethal combination of calamities. Almost no hockey player could survive it. Such a shame. Poor Rivet. Sabres management should take care to make sure this never again happens to an innocent San Jose Shark.
Tyler Myers was the rookie of the year for goodness sakes! And now he’s terrible at hockey! It is VITALLY important that we figure out what’s wrong with Mylers, because he still has YEARS of hockey ahead of him. It’s not just future generations that can benefit from Tyler Myers’ story, it’s Tyler Myers himself.
Let’s go to the photos:
Frankly, we don’t get it. Tyler Myers looks almost exactly the same in his roster photo this year as he did last year. This might be a first for TWC Labratories- we can’t figure out what went wrong!
Analysis: You know, now that we look at these photos again, we are seeing sliiiight indications that Tyler Myers might not be as spiffy this year as he was last year, but we can’t really put our finger on what’s different. In the end, we can only assume that whatever is preventing Tyler Myers from being awesome will go away on its own. It’s safe to assume things about the Sabres because “assume” makes an ass out of “u and me”, not “the Sabres”. Assumptions like, “He won’t even notice the loss of Henrik Tallinder,” and, “A 20-year-old-boy can totally carry the weight of the entire defense on his skinny shoulders,” would NEVER come back to bite the Sabres (and the violists who blog about them) in the butt. No sir.