Well, I think we can all agree that last night’s game against the Blue Jackets was awesome and that the Sabres are never going to lose again. (Full disclosure: I’m rushing to get this post finished within the next few minutes so that it can be published before the eternally lame Senators swoop in to challenge the “The Sabres are never going to lose again” theory. If the Sabres do win tonight, they really AREN’T ever going to lose again.)
I attended the game with the always-hilarious Jessica and it was one of the best times evvvver.
There are roughly ten million things to discuss when the Sabres are the triumphant kickers in a thorough ass-kicking such as the one we all enjoyed last night, but time is short, so I’ll cut right to the chase.
First of all, let’s just all admit it. Even the most ardent Kaleta fans had no idea Pat could do that. That was….terrifying. And amazing. And hot. And revolting. That was me alternating between blood thirsty howls of approval and cringing in my arena chair thinking, “Holy Mary, Mother of Lindy Ruff. Kaleta is trying to kill that guy. Kill him, as in dead.”
And THEN, after the incredible flurry of punching was over, Patrick Kaleta leapt to his feet and did the douchiest thing I have ever seen. He theatrically washed his hands for our benefit, using the universal sign for, “Let me hear your roars of approval, Sabres fans. I am a douche, but I am your douche, and I am mighty.”
And roar we did, for our beloved Douche King.
I was so taken aback and taken with the gesture that I’ve been making it all day. Pretty much all day long I’ve been doing the, “Kaleta hand wash” gesture to mark my meager accomplishments.
This morning when I put my dirty coffee cup in the sink?
During the dress rehearsal this morning after we finished running the Brahms?
“Brahms, you’re the best, but you’re really no match for me. I will play all your notes and then I will punch you in the face a few extra times for good measure. Don’t act like you don’t like it, Brahms.”
At Home Depot, picking out a gigantic flower-pot to go with my new gigantic plant?
“Flower pot, I’m going to buy you, and then I’m going to take you home, and I’m going to fill you with dirt and a giant plant and I’m going to put you in the corner. I’ll put you in the corner WHERE YOU BELONG, BEEYAAAAACH!“
After mailing my Netflix back?
I should warn you in advance. I intend to get a lot of mileage out of this one.