As I am wont to do, I wandered onto the Sabres website today. I was just sort of meandering around, looking for fun stuff, when I realized, “Hey! Shouldn’t there be new Sabres yearbook photos soon?” And low and behold! It’s picture day!
I should start out by saying that I love that these guys have to sit down for pictures every year like elementary school students. There is something very charming about grown men getting their photo taken for the yearbook. The scenario also creates all sorts of titillating locker room situations in my imagination. Suddenly, the guys are not just cleaning up after a game; now they are also hilariously primping. Because, you know, it’s picture day. I hope that they have to stand in a single file line as they wait to get photographed, and I hope someone hands them one of those tiny black combs so that they can make last minutes adjustments to their hair. I don’t know about you, but for me, picture day held an amazing amount of promise.
Let’s check in on the winners and losers of Sabres Picture Day ’07, shall we?
First of all, the winners:
Derek Roy, Tim Connolly, Jochen Hecht, and Ryan Miller
These boys showed up to picture day with their A game. All of these guys are looking their personal best, which is really the best case scenario for a yearbook photo. We can’t all be super models, but we can all embrace our own unique beauty. Well played boys! I particularly enjoy Derek Roy’s obviously carefully styled hair. Roysie is clearly angling for a leadership role on the team this season, and he is leaving no hair uncoifed in his effort to show Lindy he’s got what it takes to lead the team to victory. Tim Connolly embraced the grin this season; a move I whole heartily endorse. Jochen Hecht has got the best coy, hint-of-a-smile in the business. And lastly, even with questionable raw material to work with, Ryan Miller consistently brings it on picture day. It just goes to show, a little bit of confidence goes a long way. Bravo! Bravo!
Sadly, not everyone had such successful picture days. For every Derek Roy, there must be a Drew Stafford.
This picture is a disaster. Not only did Stafford opt for a cocky sneer, but he appears to have spent his summer sleeping in a coffin and drinking the blood of virgins. His alabaster skin is terrifying in an undead kind of way. Staffy, next year try pinching your cheeks to bring some color to your skin before you sit down for your yearbook photo. If you are in fact a flesh eating zombie, I think you should just own it, and give us your best bloody, fang-filled smile. (Good work with the unibrow, though. Those eyebrows can’t be easy to deal with. I give you full credit there.)
Listen up, Pommers and Soupy. I get it. You’re non-threatening. You’re cute and nice. I GET IT, already. Now sit up straight, close your mouths, and act like the puckbunny fodder you supposedly are. Look at Roysie up there! He’s making FOOLS out of you guys. Being a teen-bopper favorite is an honor and a privilege, and if you are not up to the task, the squealing fourteen-year-old girls will find someone who is. This is your last warning.
This last photo defies all logic and reason. You should sit down before you view it, such is its incredible power. Brace yourselves, Dear Readers. Brace yourself for Toni Lydman ’07.
Sweet mother of God.
I….don’t…know what….to..say. When I first saw this photo I laughed for about twenty minutes, then I might have cried for a little while, I don’t know….it was a confusing time. If Hilary Clinton and a baby chick got married and had a child, this is what their child would look like when it woke up from a nap. In other words, this might be the greatest hockey yearbook photo ever taken, but it might also be the worst. I can’t tell. My love for Toni Tony Tone Lydman has increased ten-fold, of this I am certain. It remains to be seen how this photo will effect Toni’s status as Kate’s Potential Favorite Sabre, but he’s certainly given me a lot think about here. You can say what you want about Toni Lydman, but you really can’t argue with his moxie.
There you have it folks! Be sure to check out the rest of the gang over at the Sabres website. Who’s your favorite?