I’m feeling much better now guys. I think I know what happened. You see, I got too excited after the 10-1 win. Due to the unexpected surge of love for hockey, my chakras and my heart space were wide open going into the Leafs game, which is why it was so painful when the Sabres phoned it in. But thanks to some good advice in the comments, and a fun, football-filled day away from hockey, I think I am ready to face the Sabres again. I have spent the last day building an impenetrable fortress around my heart, a wall so mighty that no Sabre will ever be able to cross my defenses again. (Well, okay Pommers, you can come in, but hurry quick before Roy-Z sees the open door.)
Please press play on this video and listen to the music as you read the rest of this post:
I feel that the lessons I have learned this weekend can be of service to my readers. It is my dream that my journey can help many of you come to terms with your own feelings of hockey disillusionment. I have devised a guided meditation to heal your soul and reintroduce Sabres hockey in a safe and soothing environment. As you view these images, let your mind relax. I recommend focusing on each image for 3-5 seconds, moving on only when you feel ready. If you find yourself becoming unrelaxed, don’t panic, simply return to the previous image until you have returned to calm. (All images lazily stolen from cuteoverload.)
Good. Now begin scrolling down through the images. Good luck!
Ahhh. You are feeling veeery relaxed.
The world is full of delight.
Breath in. Breath out.
Baby Goose and Pommerdoodle cannot hurt you.
Breath in. Breath out.
You are safe and comfortable. You are cradled in the universe’s love.
The world provides unexpected pleasures.
Remember the Ice Bowl? That was a great day.
Hockey doesn’t have to hurt, even when they lose.
Breath in. Breath out.
Enthusiasm is healthy.
Aww, happy Crunchy is cute.
Baby Vanek cannot hurt you.
Breath in. Breath out.
Take solace in friendship. You are not alone.
Relax your mind. Let the images wash over you.
Let’s start with some easy ones.
I can’t remember who this kid is, but maybe he’ll be a Sabre someday.
Awesome.
ACK! TOO SOON! ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
************
I think that’s enough for today. Good job. We were doing great there, right up until the very end. Even though we are not completely healed, I do feel we are rehabilitated enough to face the 4pm game versus the Coyotes.
Go Sabres! (assholes)
(Special thanks to Stephany for emailing me the hilarious Amerks yearbook photos of Goose and Pommers!)
The Willful Caboose 
You’ve missed your calling.
Just…wow. I really do feel calm and relaxed right now.
Baby Goose looks very menacing compared to Baby Pommerdoodle.
Hee! This is great, Katebits. :D
The kid you don’t remember is Marek Zagrapan.
I don’t know how you do it, but this blog gets better and better. And the sabres play worse and worse. Maybe the bad play brings out the better blogging in you Kate? There is good coming from all this.
This is probably the greatest post of all time. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying because I can’t laugh outloud. Truly, the music is what makes this post so powerful. Babygoose or Gosling and BabyPommerdoodle are very soothing sights indeed.
Baby Pommerdoodle is so cute, I want to scratch him behind his ears and give him a biscuit.
That was balm to my wounded soul, dear Katebits.
Thanks everyone! I had a lot of fun putting this one together, so I’m glad you like it. Jon, Heather and I were just discussing the other day how it seems to be easier to blog when the Sabres suck. There is just so much more material! Anyhoo, thanks for saying such nice things guys!
I might…just might…be relaxed enough to have some soup again…
Jon, Heather and I were just discussing the other day how it seems to be easier to blog when the Sabres suck.
Schnookie’s long had a theory that I completely agree with — life is actually better when your team loses because you have something to talk about. When your team wins it all, it’s awesome. I won’t deny that. But speaking from experience, you’re then stuck with a whole summer of nothing to talk about it. It’s kinda boring. Losing isn’t good, but it’s also never boring.
You are too much! I agree with whoever said this was the best post ever. I don’t care about hockey at all, but will hum the music tomorrow when I’m at Excel Center watching the US Championship Figure Skating competitions.
Not only did I laugh all the way through this, but I sent it over to Megan and she laughed so hard she choked. With inspiration like this, there’s just no doubt that the Sabres will have to snap out of their funk and kick some serious Coyote ass tonight!
…what’s that? An afternoon game?…
…oh, shit.
Babygoose is kinda scary.
The pics are lovely.
I hate it when the Sabres suck too, but I agree that negative emotion seems to be easier to express. And of course you can point out all the things they’re doing WRONG — and what they can do to fix it! Heh.
That being said, I prefer wins, I’m much less cranky after a win. I care way too much about hockey. It’s a failing.
Keep up the good work! :)
Dear God,
Please consider this post when you are deciding whether or not to destroy the world. If people can be this cool under pressure, maybe we deserve another chance.
Sincerely,
Me
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!
Thanks for commenting, fullbodytransplant!
What is that thing eating the carrot? I must know. I must have one.