Down the Line

I promised myself that I wouldn’t start analyzing the Sabres until they’d played ten games, but I can’t hold myself back because I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I just want to line the Sabres up, and walk down the line, ruffle their hair one-by-one, and tell them each why I love them so. You know what?  That’s exactly what I’m going to do.

I doubt the actual Sabres are willing to stand in a line for me, so you’ll just have imagine the hair tussling.

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The Sabres, presented in the order in which I think of them, which is probably a pretty good indication of the order of their awesomeness:

Thomas Vanek– Thomas Vanek, I’ve written many, many, many times about how incredible it is to watch you when you’re “on”. You’re just spectacular. But this season feels a little different. You seem so joyful out there. Joy is the one thing that has always been missing from your game. I’ll admit, your visible frustration on the ice has always made me a tad hesitant to really believe in you as “The Guy.” I’ve been joking for YEARS that you need therapy, and I’m starting to believe that maybe this summer you finally got some. (And just FYI, if I were running a professional sports team, sports psychology would be a requirement for every single player on my payroll, so, my insistence that you get therapy is really nothing personal. I only bring up the therapy with you because of all the Sabres, historically you’ve seemed to be the most crazypants. I guess that part is a little personal.) At any rate, as I wrote last night on Twitter, when you’re cool, everything’s cool. So, keep up the good work, and do whatever your therapist says. That guy/lady is a genius.

Jason Pominville– Jason, you’re a Sabre who I’ve always loved unconditionally, so it’s super fun to see you being all captain-ly and top-line-y. I don’t know how you do it, but you are the only hockey player I’ve ever seen who somehow manages to look adorable no matter what you’re doing. That’s a compliment (of course).

Ville Leino- Last night was extremely good for our relationship, Ville. After your pretty pass to Pommers for the goal, I wasn’t just happy for me, I realized I was genuinely happy for you. That doesn’t happen with every goal (for example, I don’t think Derek Roy has ever scored a goal that made think, “Oh, I’m so happy for Roy-Z!” His goals are just the garden-variety, “Hooray! The Sabres just scored and this makes me, Katebits, feel joy in my heart). Ville, I want you to be an awesome Sabre, and I feel extreme confidence that you WILL be an awesome Sabre, so just hang tight, buddy. You’ve got this. (Also, you and McCormick were strangely good together last night. That was weird, thrilling, and totally unexpected.)

Ryan Miller– *fist bump and chin nod of eternal respect*

Drew Stafford– How you doin’?

Tyler Myers– *gets on a step-stool in order to ruffle Tyler’s hair* Hey there big guy! You seem to be either totally awesome or totally terrifying. Last night you were totally awesome and it was really good to see. Just try to be awesome most nights. But don’t worry. The team is better this year. Not everything will go straight to hell if you have a few bad games in a row.

Christian Ehrhoff– I love how you shoot, and I also like how your lips always look like you’re wearing a tinted lip gloss.

Luke Adam– Lu-kie! Lu-kie! Lu-kie! Welcome to Buffalo, kiddo! You’re doing great. Just keep working hard, and when in doubt in the gym or out on the town, do what Goose does. Speaking of Goose…

Paul Gaustad– HONK! Goose, I’d like to encourage you to casually undress in the background of all your teammates’ interviews.

Andrej Sekera– You’re probably my favorite skater on the team. Good job.

Brad Boyes– Um, this is a little awkward. Usually Darcy’s trade deadline acquisitions are gone by now, but… you seem to still be here. Hm…. Oooh, I know! You have a very pleasant-looking face. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise, Brad Boyes.

Derek Roy– I’m not exactly sure what’s wrong with you but you haven’t looked like yourself yet this season. Maybe you miss Vanek? I’m not too worried because apparently the Sabres don’t really need you to be awesome in order to win games. I have faith that you’ll pull it together soon. And if you don’t, well… *shrug* We apparently don’t really need you to win games! (That might sound a little harsh. Roy-Z, I think what I’m trying to tell you is: don’t get frustrated. When you suddenly get awesome again, it’s just going to make the Sabres LITERALLY UNSTOPPABLE, but for the time being, your atypical-averageness isn’t really doing any harm.

Cody McCormick– You were surprisingly good with Leino last night! Nice job. Everyone in Buffalo likes to root for you already, but if you can be the catalyst for getting Leino on track, I think we might erect a statue in your honor.

Tyler Ennis– Look, Tyler. I can’t lie. I’m a little worried about you. I’m not like, freaked about you, but I’m concerned. You need to tone down the “dipsy-doodling followed by a blueline turnover.” Just tone it down. Also, could you please clarify something? Is this actually you? That looks a LOT like Ehrhoff’s head on your body to me, but after an in-depth twitter investigation, the consensus seems to be that is IS you. I’m still not convinced. Your thoughts?

Jhonas Enroth– YOU ARE AN ELVISH HERO! Most of the time I forget all about you, but every time I remember you I get an incredible burst of confidence. Seriously. You might change everything this season. That’s how important and awesome you are. You might change everything.

Nathan Gerbe- Rock on, lil Honey Badger. Rock on.

Patrick Kaleta– Hey, Patty. You haven’t provoked my ire at all this season. Good job. Every once in a while, I think you’re Vanek on the ice. That amuses me.

Robyn Regehr– I can’t say I have any strong thoughts or feelings about you, but actually, that’s probably a good thing. You seem cool. Thanks for helping Mylers be less spazzy. I’m not going to ruffle your hair because, a.) you’re pretty much bald, and b.) you seem too dignified for such things. I’ll just shake your hand respectfully, instead.

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Ah, that felt great! It’s fun to love the Sabres! I’m a little concerned about the future of this blog (nothing kills The Willful Caboose faster than a complete lack of over-the-top outrage), but we’ll make do.  I’m sure I’ll find something to complain about eventually, but for now, I love these little buggers.

4 Things

1. Guess what?  I’m kinda (just kinda) in the mood to think about the Sabres for some reason. I think it’s because tonight the BPO played a concert down at the harbor and I spent the whole evening looking at the arena and thinking, “I like going to the arena.”

2. I haven’t said boo about Jordan Leopold or Rob Niedermayer yet.

Here goes:

Jordan Leopold

Here’s what I keep thinking about old J-Leo: We as Sabres fans are desperate for something exciting.  We want flash, and romance.  We want a swashbuckler to ride down the sails with his knife and rescue us from the monotony of this ship.  We’re melancholy.  We’re hungry.  We’ve got ants in our pants.  We’re about to start dating the sketchy guy who hangs out behind the 7-11 in the hopes that he’ll throw us on the back of his motorcycle and elevate our heart rate, even if it’s only for a few minutes.  We’re bored and getting bored-er.  We need a hero, but we’re not stupid enough to expect Darcy to fetch us a hero, so now we’d just settle for a bad boy.

Jordan Leopold is not that man.  Thank goodness.  Because bad boys are a-holes.

Jordan Leopold may not be the obviously sexy choice, but usually “obviously sexy” turns out to be “totally lame”.  Furthermore, sometimes those solid, good guys get exponentially sexier when you least expect it.  We’ll give him a chance, if only to please our mother.  You never know.

Rob Niedermayer

First of all, I can’t believe I have to learn how to spell “Niedermayer”.  That’s a hard one (that’s what she said).

I think the most important thing to know about Rob Niedermayer is that he BY FAR the more attractive Niedermayer.  Yes, yes, I know….Scott is one of the best players to ever play the game, and he had one of the best playoff beards of all-time.  Blah blah blah.  Whatevs.  Listen to me.  Rob is better (but not at hockey) for the Sabres.

Rob is a grown-up now, but unlike the other grown-ups on the teams (Grier and Rivet), I suspect that once upon a time Rob was a hot mess, ala Tim Connolly and Derek Roy.   My dream is that Rob can come in here and be a good intermediary personality, kind of like Montador.  Rob’s still kind of cool (he’s definitely not an old fogy like Griersie) but he’s also outgrown his dumbass phase.  He’s a matured dumbass.  Maybe, just maybe, our immature dumbasses will listen to him.

(I totally made all of that up, but in the ten minutes it took me to write it, I completely convinced myself that it’s true.  I love it when that happens.  I also just decided that I’m not going to learn how to spell “Neidarmeyar”.  Instead, I’m just going to call him “Rob” all year.)

Welcome to Buffalo, Rob!

3. Look at this funny marking in our part from “Star Wars”.  I’ve played Star Wars a million times, and this marking still always amuses me.

Nerdy and fun.

(Can we also take a minute to appreciate what a nice picture this is?  I took this picture with my phone.)

4.I have some EXTREMELY important news.  Kevin (who used to write BfloBlog and now just yells at us to get off his lawn via twitter)’s son (SonOne) is writing a food blog.  BuffaloKid (SonOne’s nom de plume) aspires to be a food critic.  He’s ten years old, and his food interests include Mighty Taco, pizza, and fish.

I’m pretty sure that this is going to be one of the greatest blogs of all time, so if you want to be able to say “I was there when BuffaloKid started it all,” you’d better hightail it to Buffalo Kid Food.

If you ask me, there aren’t many things in this world more charming than a child blogging about Mighty Taco.