Alright, this is going to be a controversial one.
Last year I was all over the map with Jochen in the KFS competition. First I eliminated him with nary a thought or care, then I reinstated him thinking that he might be The One, and then I eliminated him again when I realized he was (at the time) unsigned beyond the season. After a full year of watching Yo-Yo, I feel I am finally in a postition to make an informed and fair ruling on his status as Kate’s Potential Favorite Sabre. As you read this, please know that I respect and admire Jochen Hecht very much. I wish only the very best for him and his family, and I would never treat an actual human being the way I am about to suggest is the proper way to treat Jochen Hecht.
Jochen Hecht is obviously a valuable member of the Sabres. He’s hardworking, reliable, very handsome, and downright captainly. He’s also signed as a Sabre for a goodly amount of time (“goodly” being some unit of years that I am too lazy to look up right now). There is literally nothing not to like about Jochen Hecht. He should be a front runner in Kate’s Favorite Sabre Competition….but sadly, he is not.
It is my theory that Jochen Hecht was born to be taken for granted. I don’t have any overwhelming feelings of affection for Yo-Yo, and yet, if he were suddenly gone, I would be devastated. He falls firmly into that “you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone” category, but the thing is, he’s not gone and he won’t be gone for quite some time, so it’s my feeling that we should just go right ahead and take him for granted.
Jochen Hecht is the guy you call when your asshole boyfriend did something lame. Jochen will come over, he’ll bring take-out, and he’ll patiently sit on the couch listening to you whine and cry over another guy. He’s the guy you call to get up on a ladder and get the dead bird out of your rain gutter because the task is too gross and scary to do yourself. He’s the guy you ask to feed your cat while you’re weekending in Niagara On The Lake with Paul Gaustad. Jochen Hecht is the guy you don’t want to date yourself, but who you don’t want dating anyone else either.
He never complains, he always does what you ask, and you love him for it….but he is not your Favorite Sabre. We take Yo-Yo for granted because that is all he requires. Someday, Jochen is going to have a gorgeous, smart, hilarious woman to call his biggest fan, and when that day comes our hearts will break because we will suddenly realize we loved him all along, but it will be too late. We’ll pout and carry-on like complete assholes, but in the end we’ll begrudgingly admit that he’s way too good for us and he always was.
But for now, we frequently, knowingly, and happily take him for granted. That is how it must be.