Final Analysis

Is anyone else feeling a surprising lack of fiery rage/disappointment over the end of the Sabres season?  I keep starting and stopping serious-minded posts where I attempt to dissect the Sabres and their playoff appearance, but honestly, I’m just not that inspired by any of it.

I had fun this season.  You can’t win ’em all, you know?

Injury Report

My biggest concern going into the Olympics was that someone was going to get injured.  As much as I enjoyed these last two weeks, if Crunchy had come home all gimpy I never never never would have forgiven the Olympics.  NEVER!  And while the Sabres appear to have escaped the Olympic in good health, one thing I absolutely did not consider was a potential injury to myself.

Yes, my name is Katebits, and I managed to injure myself while watching the gold medal game.

Here is my tale of woe:

First of all, you should know that unless I’m going somewhere very fancy, I almost always wear Dansko clogs.  (I know.  I’m so sexy.  Try not to lose your head over it.)  Anyone who’s ever worn a pair of Danskos knows that while they are the MOST comfortable shoes in the world….they are also oddly tippy.  Every once in awhile, Danskos just screw you.  (In fact, some of you who were at the blogger gathering a few weeks ago may recall me practically falling for no apparent reason. You probably all thought to yourself, “Wow.  Kate is a total drunken mess.”  BUT NO.  That incident was because of my Danskos, not because of excessive drinking.  I swear on the souls of my future children with Steve Montador, it was the shoes. [I’m not kidding about these shoes- they EFF YOU UP sometimes.  My sister broke her foot while wearing them, and my friend Debby fell to the ground while holding her toddler.  THESE SHOES ARE HARDCORE.])

Anyway, when Zach Parise (who I assume Darcy is feverishly trying to trade for as we speak) scored the uber-exciting tie goal in the waning seconds of the third period, I did what any fan would do.  I leapt into the air, while screaming at the top of my lungs.  Then, I did what only fans wearing Danskos would EVER do, which is land, tip, and immediately roll my left foot awkwardly inward.

That hockey game hobbled me.  I’m limping, and sore, and all around pathetic.  The worst thing about of all is that I’m STILL WEARING THESE DEVIL SHOES (because I don’t even own any other shoes [except heels], and because I love them, and seriously, when they’re not trying to kill me they are just so so so comfortable).

And that’s my story.  I’m married to the Blobby of footwear and everything is terrible.

From the Hotiary of Hot Hotfford

Dear Hotiary,

Things at work have been very unhotunate recently.  We’ve now lost 3 hots in a hot.  It’s totally unhot to continually lose hotckey games, and all this losing is giving me very low hot esteem.  To make matters even hotrse, I’ve suffered a “bone bruise” which is HOTVIOUSLY a totally fake hotjury.  “Bone bruise” is very funny to say (if you’re twelve, which I am), but it doesn’t hotsist, so who KNOWS when I’ll rehot to the ice.

Today at practice Paul Hotstad was all, “HONK HONK HONK,” so I had to be all, “Look dude.  My bone IS bruised, and I don’t hot what you hot.  Just HOT OFF, hothole.”  I hotally hot being hotjured.

Okay, hotta go.

Hot to you hoter, Hotiary.

Hot,

Hot Hotfford

*sniffle*

Sad times.

4 Things

1.  Okay, I think I understand now why Vanek can’t play with his broken jaw.  With his jaw wired shut, he can’t breathe enough to play hockey, and he also can’t eat enough to stay buff and game ready.  What I DON’T understand is why the doctors didn’t just knock out his front teeth to create a blowhole.  Maybe they could attach a snorkel or something to aid his breathing.  Not to downplay Vanek’s injury (I ASSURE YOU, I would opt for medically assisted suicide rather than eat only smoothies for a month), but I think that the Sabres doctors need to think outside the box here.  All he needs is a blowhole.

2. Whining aside, I think the Sabres could come out of this alive.  This might actually be good for them.  When thinking about the Sabres, one must never underestimate their stunning capacity for laziness.  These guys need to be compelled to work hard.  Perhaps being without their top goal scorer will cause them to buy further into Lindy’s system.   I completely DON’T CARE if the team resorts to a full blown trapping in order to get through this.  All they need to do is keep the boat steady for 3-4 weeks.

3.  When is Goose coming back?  When is Pommerdoodle going to remember how to score?  What the hell happened to Yo-Yo?  Can Mair, Paetsthchstchstchs, and Ellis stay together forever?

4. I watched the Devils/Rangers game last night.  Both Montreal and NY seem to be in a full blown shame sprial of pathetic losingness and total impotence.  If I were a shark I’d say “there’s blood in the water, Sabres” but I’m a violist, so I’ll say, “Go get em, boys.”