In the style of the great IPB, I am doing some woolgathering tonight. Gather round, Sabres fans. Let’s make fun of the Sabres!
-Why didn’t Connolly get a cuter nose put on when his got all smushed up? If I had to get reconstructive nose surgery, you better believe I wouldn’t have them reconstruct the same old honker. This was Connolly’s big chance to get the button nose of his dreams! Dummy.
– Because he stopped that 2-on-0, Crunchy has earned at least one period of relief from my constant suggestions that he dump the woman he loves for the good of the Sabres. That save was foxy, and fun.
– So far, with 3 minutes left in the 1st, the Sabres seem to match up pretty well with the Islanders. Yeeeeeah. “Matching up well with the Islanders” is not exactly how we envisioned this season going, is it? But at least it makes for a zippy, fun-to-watch game.
– Oooh, a 5-on-3 for 16 seconds! Let’s see what happens….hm. Nothing happens.
-1st Intermission: We seem to be watching the Islanders’ intermission feed. I’m actually sick of complaining about how hard MSG sucks. They suck, but at least we’re getting all the games in HD now. I don’t totally hate checking out the other team’s intermission broadcast. It’s something different. Plus, with all of his time off, Kevin Sylvester can get his widow’s peak waxed, his eyes re-twinkled, and his dimples re-set. He’s going to look amazing next time we see him!
– Whoops I missed a goal because I changed the channel to football during the intermission (I guess I’m not that enthused about watching the Islanders’ intermission) and I was working on a jigsaw puzzle. Yup. It’s Saturday night and I’m working on an actual jigsaw puzzle. (I know. My sexiness can be overwhelming sometimes.) Anyhooch, Vanek scores a goal on the leftover 5-on-3. It’s 1-0, Sabres. Go team.
-Why does Netflix have the first Lord of the Rings streaming, but not the others? I think that’s weird.
– Darn it. How come no one was paying any attention to John Tavares? Someone is fired, and I think that someone is Tyler Myers. 1-1. Boo.
– Okaaaaay. John Tavares completely owns the Sabres. Now he has a hat trick, which is annoying, but at least it gives RJ a chance to comment that the “young ladies” working the shovels to pick up the hats don’t seem to be doing such a great job. The Islanders feed gives us a long lingering shot of Patrick Lalime sitting on the bench. Ha! Yeah right, Islanders feed! Unless Crunchy actually DIES on the ice, Lindy is not playing Lalime. 3-1, Tavares.
-This is now a bloodbath. Some sort of clusterfuck has just occurred. I think the Sabres on the ice might have literally bonked heads on that one. 4-1, Islanders.
-In retrospect, perhaps this tweet after Tavares missed on the 2-on-0 was ill advised.
– WHY hasn’t Lindy pulled Miller? Lindy is fired.
– Seriously. Why? Is Lindy still trying to pretend the Sabres can win this game? Has he SEEN our offense? WHy is he getting Ryan Miller all worn out on a lost cause? Oh…fuck it. It doesn’t matter. Ryan Miller is going to be all worn out and bedraggled soon. Whatevs.
– Ennis scores but I wasn’t paying attention. I assume someone passed him the puck and then he used his hockey stick to knock the puck into the net. That’s usually how these things work. 4-2, Islanders.
– Yesterday I found out there’s a guy in the NHL named “Grant Clitsome”.
– Vanek just deked out about 45,000 Islanders only to skate around behind the net and then pass it to a falling down Pommerdoodle. This is why Vanek is both magnificent and revolting. Mostly revolting.
– I really worry about Tyler Myers sometimes. What if he turns into a Vanek? I can’t handle two Vaneks.
– Has Tim Connolly been playing this whole game? I swear I haven’t heard his name mentioned in at least an hour and a half.
– Oh GREAT. Luke Adam just killed Crunchy after the Islanders score a shortie. 5-2, Islanders. Miller stays in game. NO idea why. Get your skinny ass to the showers, Crunchy! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO ESCAPE. You got kneed in the head by Luke Adam. We all saw it! RUN!
– Some Islander with the biggest mustache I’ve ever seen takes a run at Vanek, meanwhile, Pommerdoodle scores a goal. Or maybe it was Hecht. 5-3, Islanders.
– Thanks goodness. All done. That was lame. Good thing I still have a jigsaw puzzle, boxed wine and the first season of Bones.