You Know What?

Shaone Morrisonn IS kind of hot.

5 Things That Aren’t So Bad

I woke up this morning in a surprisingly good mood considering I stayed up too late watching election coverage.  I’m happy to report that even though the Sabres are grody-to-the-max, I still thought, “Yay!  We’re going to the game tonight!” as I opened my sleepy eyes and pondered the day to come.  So, that’s good news.

Here are 5 Reasons to be chipper about the Sabres game tonight:

1. Jason Pominville is not dead.  The last time we saw little P-Doods, he was being carted away with his head bloodied and strapped to a stretcher.   That was lame.  In addition to not dying, Pominville managed to escape October without contracting the terrible stench of failure that now wafts around all the other Sabres.  Since Pommers has played his entire NHL career virtually injury-free, this little stretch was our first opportunity to see who the Sabres are without him in the lineup.  The answer?  The Sabres are TOTAL POO without Jason Pominville in the lineup.  Maybe his return will solve everything.

2. It’s a beautiful day.  During most of the hockey season, hockey fans are forced to make an impossible choice for each and every game, “Do I wear my winter coat so that I don’t freeze to death during the walk from the car to the arena, or, do I leave my coat in the car so I don’t have to deal with it within the cramped and dingy confines of my seats?”  It’s a question with no good answer.  I almost always leave my coat in the car, and then it’s miserably cold when I put it on when I get back to the car after the game.  Not to mention the fact that while the walk from the car to the arena is nearly always tolerable (since we are warmed with the flush of anticipation) the walk BACK to the car is usually worse (unless you’ve had a LOT of big beers). It sucks to walk five blocks without a coat in the winter after you’ve just watched the Sabres lose pathetically.

Tonight we will walk to the arena in relative comfort in just our hoodies and jerseys, and that is a beautiful thing.

3. Ryan Miller is hurt, and we’re not freaking out.  This is a rare occurrence indeed.  Ordinarily when Crunchy is injured Sabres fans immediately begin running in panic circles and freaking the eff out, but not so today.  Miller’s pedestrian stats combined with the team’s horrific record have put the fanbase in an unusually complacent mood.  It’s not that we want Crunchy to be hurt (good heavens, NO NO NO), it’s just that it doesn’t really feel like we’re living and dying with him right now, you know?

Tonight Crunchy can sit up in the press box, with his lower body resting comfortably on a giant red satin pillow, while various Sabres minions hand-feed him grapes and caviar, and the fans can just…not freak out.  Sometimes not freaky out is nice.

4. Enroth is here.  I hope Lindy plays him.

We pretty much know what we’ll get with Lalime:  He’ll play a basically solid game except that every time a Sabres defenseman makes a bad mistake Lalime will fail to make the “don’t-worry-Tyler-Myers,-I’ve-got-this-one” save,  and then the fans will boo, and then in the postgame interviews all the players will act mortally offended that the fans DARED to boo a man as noble and wonderful as Lalime, and then everyone will bitch on Twitter about how if-the-Sabres-love-Lalime-so-much-why-don’t-they-play-better-in-front-of-him, AND THOSE FANS WILL BE RIGHT TO WONDER.  And no one will feel good about it, and no one will win.

Enroth however, is a wildcard.  We don’t really know him, and neither do the Sabres.  Maybe he’ll surprise us all and turn out to be a tiny hero.

5. When the Sabres are good and stinky, that frees us up to pay attention to other things while at the game.  Last year I wrote about how during a bad loss I decided to focus solely on Tyler Myers for the entire third period.  It was actually a lot of fun and I learned quite a bit about Mylers that night.  Since I’m beginning to forget what a Sabres win looks like, I feel less obligated to focus on willing the team to victory and more free to figure out, once and for all, what Shaone Morrisonn looks like.  I suspect that Shaone Morrisonn might be hot, but frankly, I have no idea if that’s true, because I couldn’t pick him out of a lineup if my life depended on it.  Tonight, I will get to the bottom of the “Is Shaone Morrisonn hot?” question, and I’ll report back to you tomorrow.

Shaone Morrisonn?

Sure, he’s got the stink of Ovechkin  and Mike Green on him, but he’s also got a silent o!

Aond ao dog naomed Haozel!

Welcome to the Saobres, Shaone!

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I was getting worried that I was losing interest in the Sabres, but I shouldn’t have worried at all.  It turns out that the offseason is just incredibly boring.  It takes SO little to keep me interested.  All the Sabres had to do was inexplicably wave a respected local boy and then sign a guy with a silent o, and I’m once again, totally intrigued.