Twitterless: Day One, Sabres @ Flyers

 

UPDATE:  Look at this hilarious photo of Pommerdoodle I found on Sabres.com.

TWUGS!

 

_____________

– Right now I’m in my robe and slippies, watching the Sabre play the Flyers.  It’s currently 2-0, Flyers. Unfortunately, I really can’t say that watching the Sabres skate around like yahoos while the Flyers score at will is any more fun without Twitter than it is with Twitter.  And without Twitter, I have nowhere to log my complaints.

For example, wouldn’t Enroth have been the wise choice today?  Assuming the Sabres lose this game (and admittedly, it’s a little early to make such assumptions since it’s only the first intermission and it’s 2-0, Flyers, not 4-0), now the stinky Sabres kind of need to win tomorrow.  If Lindy had just played Enroth today, then even if they lose to the Flyers, he’d have a refreshed and recharged Crunchy in his back pocket for the Wild.  This isn’t rocket science, is it?

If Lindy plays Miller again tomorrow he should have to forfeit his yellow mustache to the Goalie Rotation Monitoring Guild.  No one that stupid should have possession of a mustache that magnificent.

Did you know that the Sabres now have a suggestion box?

– HEY, wait a minute!  I’m feeling INCREDIBLY negative about this game.  Maybe the Sabres make me angry because the Sabres are bad at hockey!  Twitter is innocent!

– WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  it is SUCH a relief to see Vanek and Staffy combine to score a nice goal.  I think I’m going to suggest that they do that more often. (2-1, Flyers)

– What the hell just happened?  While I’m looking down, there is some sort of kerfuffle near the Flyers net, and I hear RJ say, “Well, I don’t know where the puck is, but Kaleta’s getting a penalty.”  When I look up, Goose is smiling and happily tapping Kaleta on the helmet.  I think to myself…”that doesn’t look like a, too-bad-we’re-going-on-the-PK helmet tap to me, RJ.”  And thus begins the most anti-climactic, slow-moving realization that the Sabres just scored the tying goal in the history of hockey broadcasting.  But the Sabres apparently just tied it!  Hooray! (2-2, tie)

– HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Andrej Sekera just skated all over tarnation and then scored a goal.  You really have to love Sekera. (3-2, Sabres!)

It's true. He's earned it.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  I AM SO EFFING SICK OF SHORTIES!  DO THE SABRES HAVE ANYONE ON THE COACHING STAFF WHO IS CAPABLE OF FIXING THIS PROBLEM?  BECAUSE I CAN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WATCHED A GAME WHERE THEY DIDN’T EITHER GIVE UP A SHORTY OR REQUIRE THEIR GOALIE TO MAKE AMAZING SAVES DURING THE POWER PLAY.  BASICALLY, AT THIS POINT, I’VE GIVEN UP ON ROOTING FOR POWER PLAY GOALS AND ALL I DO IS HOPE THE OTHER TEAM DOESN’T SCORE DURING SABRES POWER PLAY.  THIS IS NOT HOW POWER PLAYS ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL. (3-3, tie)

I WILL NEVER STOP SHOUTING ABOUT THIS. NEVER!

– Okay, I’m done shouting about the shortie.  This game is actually lots of fun.

– Okay, the third period is starting.  I’m scared!  Sabres, I really, really, really, really want you to win this game.  I REALLY WANT YOU TO WIN!  Come on you, guys!  You can do it!  I believe in you!  And when I started this post by assuming that you would lose, that was…Twitter’s fault!  Yeah, even though I’m not using Twitter today, it’s still coursing though my veins.  Twitter made me say it!… or something. *shifty eyes*  Look, I think we can all agree that the important thing is that I believe in you now.

– WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  If I’d been on Twitter, about three minutes before Pommerdoodle scored you would’ve heard me say, “Pommers is really due for some heroics,” because I SWEAR TO LINDY RUFF, that’s what I was thinking.  That play was really all Vanek though.  Why isn’t Vanek the Captain yet? (4-3, Sabres)

Coaching is incredibly easy.

– I often wonder what it’s like to play in a game like this.  The Sabres just killed off a penalty (here’s a suggestion- don’t shoot the puck directly over the net, Crunchy), and my heart is POUNDING.  I’m, like, physically nervous.  Do the players feel like this?  Or is this just, “ho hum…killin’ some penalties” for them?

– Man I wish Ennis was six inches taller, and fifty pounds heavier.  He’s so fast, and so shifty, and if he had just a little more “oomph” on him, he’d be totally unstoppable.  The way he moves on the ice reminds me so much of Afinogenov, in both good in bad ways.  Good, because he’s dynamic, and difficult to control.  Bad, because, well, I pretty much expect Ennis to hold onto the puck for an hour and then pass it directly to a Flyer.  Thankfully, he’s not actually Max.  But I do wish he was bigger.

– The Sabres have been very capably locking it down since Pommers scored.  (Please don’t make me regret typing that outloud, Sabres.)

– WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  With an empty net, Montador cleverly passes it to Goose, who cleverly passes it to Gerbe who taps the puck into the open net.  EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL!  I LOVE THE SABRES! (5-3, Sabres)

– WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

THE SABRES ARE NEVER GOING TO LOSE AGAIN!

– Have fun in Minnesota, you lovable, lunks.  Say hi to my Mom for me!

Woolgathering Sabres @ Islanders 1/15/11

In the style of the great IPB, I am doing some woolgathering tonight.  Gather round, Sabres fans. Let’s make fun of the Sabres!

-Why didn’t Connolly get a cuter nose put on when his got all smushed up?  If I had to get reconstructive nose surgery, you better believe I wouldn’t have them reconstruct the same old honker.  This was Connolly’s big chance to get the button nose of his dreams!  Dummy.

– Because he stopped that 2-on-0, Crunchy has earned at least one period of relief from my constant suggestions that he dump the woman he loves for the good of the Sabres.  That save was foxy, and fun.

– So far, with 3 minutes left in the 1st, the Sabres seem to match up pretty well with the Islanders.  Yeeeeeah.  “Matching up well with the Islanders” is not exactly how we envisioned this season going, is it?  But at least it makes for a zippy, fun-to-watch game.

– Oooh, a 5-on-3 for 16 seconds!  Let’s see what happens….hm.  Nothing happens.

-1st Intermission: We seem to be watching the Islanders’ intermission feed.  I’m actually sick of complaining about how hard MSG sucks.  They suck, but at least we’re getting all the games in HD now.  I don’t totally hate checking out the other team’s intermission broadcast.  It’s something different.  Plus, with all of his time off, Kevin Sylvester can get his widow’s peak waxed, his eyes re-twinkled, and his dimples re-set.  He’s going to look amazing next time we see him!

2nd period

– Whoops I missed a goal because I changed the channel to football during the intermission (I guess I’m not that enthused about watching the Islanders’ intermission) and I was working on a jigsaw puzzle.  Yup.  It’s Saturday night and I’m working on an actual jigsaw puzzle.  (I know.  My sexiness can be overwhelming sometimes.)  Anyhooch, Vanek scores a goal on the leftover 5-on-3.  It’s 1-0, Sabres. Go team.

-Why does Netflix have the first Lord of the Rings streaming, but not the others?  I think that’s weird.

– Darn it.  How come no one was paying any attention to John Tavares?  Someone is fired, and I think that someone is Tyler Myers. 1-1. Boo.

– Okaaaaay. John Tavares completely owns the Sabres. Now he has a hat trick, which is annoying, but at least it gives RJ a chance to comment that the “young ladies” working the shovels to pick up the hats don’t seem to be doing such a great job. The Islanders feed gives us a long lingering shot of Patrick Lalime sitting on the bench. Ha! Yeah right, Islanders feed!  Unless Crunchy actually DIES on the ice, Lindy is not playing Lalime.  3-1, Tavares.

-This is now a bloodbath.  Some sort of clusterfuck has just occurred.  I think the Sabres on the ice might have literally bonked heads on that one.  4-1, Islanders.

-In retrospect, perhaps this tweet after Tavares missed on the 2-on-0 was ill advised.

3rd Period

– WHY hasn’t Lindy pulled Miller?  Lindy is fired.

– Seriously.  Why?  Is Lindy still trying to pretend the Sabres can win this game?  Has he SEEN our offense?  WHy is he getting Ryan Miller all worn out on a lost cause?  Oh…fuck it.  It doesn’t matter.  Ryan Miller is going to be all worn out and bedraggled soon.  Whatevs.

– Ennis scores but I wasn’t paying attention.  I assume someone passed him the puck and then he used his hockey stick to knock the puck into the net.  That’s usually how these things work.  4-2, Islanders.

– Yesterday I found out there’s a guy in the NHL named “Grant Clitsome”. 

– Vanek just deked out about 45,000 Islanders only to skate around behind the net and then pass it to a falling down Pommerdoodle.  This is why Vanek is both magnificent and revolting.  Mostly revolting.

– I really worry about Tyler Myers sometimes.  What if he turns into a Vanek?  I can’t handle two Vaneks.

– Has Tim Connolly been playing this whole game?  I swear I haven’t heard his name mentioned in at least an hour and a half.

– Oh GREAT.  Luke Adam just killed Crunchy after the Islanders score a shortie. 5-2, Islanders.  Miller stays in game.  NO idea why.  Get your skinny ass to the showers, Crunchy!  THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO ESCAPE.  You got kneed in the head by Luke Adam.  We all saw it!  RUN!

– Some Islander with the biggest mustache I’ve ever seen takes a run at Vanek, meanwhile, Pommerdoodle scores a goal.   Or maybe it was Hecht.  5-3, Islanders.

– Thanks goodness.  All done.  That was lame.  Good thing I still have a jigsaw puzzle, boxed wine and the first season of Bones.

Sabres @ Flyers 10/26/10

Pregame

Mood: Blank.  I’m ready to accept whatever the Sabres throw at me, and frankly, nothing could surprise me.
Favorite Sabre: Luke Adam, welcome to the NHL.  Please proceed to make Tim Connolly irrelevant.
Least Favorite Sabre: Thomas Vanek, you disgust me.
Prediction: Annnything could happen here.  Sure, the Sabres gave it to the Devils good, but the Devils were SUCH a bunch of coach-killing sad-sacks that night.  It’s hard to be all, “Yay!  The Sabres are good now!” based on that game.  On the other hand, they’re playing a road game so they shouldn’t be tempted to “put on a show” or “get too fancy” for the fans.  The Sabres tend to be good when they’re not trying to impress us.  (On that subject: Sabres, I think I speak for all of your fans when I say, “Stop saying you get ‘too fancy’ at home.  You know what’s fancy?  Winning.  You guys aren’t fancy at ALL at home.)
Animal representing my hopes for this game: Lemur

I recently went to the zoo to try to see the baby gorilla and instead of seeing gorillas (they were napping or something.  Lazy, gorillas) we were totally captivated by a lemur.  He was laying flat on his back, sunning his stomach.  He looked ridiculous.  Then, after we laughed at him for awhile, something startled him and he went from “stoner eyes” to “nervous crazy-eyes” in zero seconds flat.  In addition to being amusing, the lemur also gave me an occasion to say, “I don’t understand this guy…..is he like a monkey, or like a rat?”  Answer: he’s like a monkey

After the 1st (1-1)

Mood: Entertained!
Favorite Sabre: Thomas Vanek’s shin pad.
Least Favorite Sabre: Daniel Briere is the worst Sabre EVER.
Summary of events: According to Versus, the Flyers have spent the last 24 hours being yelled at by Laviolette, which is weird because they came out pretty flat.  Vanek’s shin pad scored a power play goal, which was nice.  Then Briere scored a power play goal, and after that they Flyers seemed MUCH better than the Sabres, which was LAME.  Montador is wearing a visor, which is foxy (men with functioning eyes are hotttt).   Luke Adams looks like he COULD make Tim Connolly irrelevant, which makes me want to do a little happy dance.
Animals representing this game so far: A lemur and John Cleese, chillin’.

A pretty good time.  This picture is probably too awesome to represent that period of hockey, but if my post is going to be lemurrific, I HAVE to use this photo, right?   What if the Sabres suck in the rest of the game and I never have a reason to post another good-lemur?  That period might be as good as it gets tonight.   So, if the Sabres play a reasonably solid period, score a powerplay goal, AND Luke Adam pleases, I have NO CHOICE.  John Cleese is in.

After the 2nd (45,000-1) (Okay fine, it’s really 4-1, Philly)

Mood: VERY GROSSED OUT

Favorite Sabre: Poor Crunchy.  He deserves so much better.  I don’t care what Heather B says.
Least Favorite Sabre: Yeah, right.
Summary of Events: Some Flyer scored an UNJUST goal against Crunchy when Briere was skating around behind him in the crease.  Then the Sabres proceeded to be COMPLETELY DISGUSTING for the remainder of the period.  I kind of lost track of the specifics of the suckiness (I was taking solace in chips and salsa and playing Bejeweled Blitz), but you can safely assume that your favorite Sabre deserves to be fired.
Animal representing this game so far: I tried to find a picture of a lemur projectile vomiting (no, I didn’t really), but no dice.  We have to go with this gross baby lemur.

Darn it.  Even gross baby lemurs are waaaaay cuter than the Sabres.  (BTW, how glad are we that I didn’t hold back on the John Cleese lemur?  Right?  Prescience, thy name is Lemur.)

At the End

Dire message to the Sabres: Now look.  I know you guys aren’t that good at hockey, and….whatever.  I don’t understand why you’re so terrible, but here’s my main point: I don’t really care.  I’m currently watching basketball instead of you.  BASKETBALL.

Here’s a picture of a baby photoshopped into lemur costume.

Sabres @ Ducks 1/19/10

Pregame

Mood: I started out the evening all “WOOOOOOOOOOO!” because I had a MAJOR home improvement breakthrough today.   You see, when I pulled up the carpet (weeks ago) there was this REALLY sharp wooden strip around the perimeter of the entire downstairs.  I guess this is how the carpet stuck to the edges of the floor (along with 45 million staples).  I’ve been totally ignoring this project because every time I got down on my knees and attempted to use the tiny crow bar the guy at Home Depot told me I should use for this activity, I quickly wanted to KILL myself because of the brain searing frustration.  Seriously, last week I struggled for about an hour on a three foot strip.

But today I wised up.  I went BACK to Home Depot, and I looked long and hard at all of their crowbar/prying-looking-things, and I chose the one that I thought would get the job done- and guess what?  That baby popped these annoying carpet strips RIGHT OUT.  You should have seen me zooming around the room all triumphant and proud.  It might have been the most satisfying moment of home ownership so far.  I solved a problem I’ve been avoiding, and now my floors won’t tear my guest’s feet apart!  Hooray!

The only problem is, in my zeal for this project, I probably went a little faster than I should have, and I wound up giving myself several cuts and scraps with various decades-old nails and tacks.  It was…very dumb.  Especially after I started wondering if my tetanus shots are up to date (they are not).  (Incidentally, if you think you might have tetanus, do yourself a favor and DON’T google it.)

So, the long and the short of it is that my good mood was really tempered by my SURE case of impending lock-jaw.   It all balanced out, and now I’m back to “neutral” on the evening.

Favorite Sabre: Oh, Tyler Myers.  Everyone loves you.  Including me.
Least Favorite Sabre: Thomas Vanek.  I actually pretty much love Thomas Vanek lately, but I REALLY want him to seek professional help with his low self esteem issues.  I’m very tired of watching him berate himself.  It’s time to get serious about this Thomas!  There is no shame in going to a therapist.
Prediction: Originally I was thinking the Sabres were going to lose this game (they have to lose eventually and the Ducks ALWAYS beat them), but now I’m watching the Duck’s pregame coverage, and apparently they have a very feisty streak going themselves- 7 home wins in a row.  I’m always suspicious of streaks, but I think our streaks balance each other out.  Someone has to lose and end their streak, and it might as well be the Ducks.  So, the Sabres are winning this game, 4-2.
Balanced item representing my hopes for this game: All these people on this bike

As you can see, the Sabres are EXTREMELY well balanced.

After the 1st (4-0, Ducks)

Mood: The only thing saving us is that this is a late game and so it barely feels like it’s actually happening.  Plus, it’s so bad it’s funny.  I am however, worried about how I’m going to come up with things unbalanced enough to represent this game.
Favorite Sabre: HAHAHAHA!  Um….no.
Least Favorite Sabre: Rick Jeanneret.  I don’t CARE if he’s old and worn out, he’s not allowed to take vacations, and he’s not allowed to retire.  EVER.  I blame Rick.
Summary of events: First we got punched in the face, then kicked in the gut, and then CoreyPerry peed on us, and then the Ducks announcers laughed at us.  It was REAL LAME.
Unbalanced thing representing this game so far: The score

4-0

Just look at it.  That’s some unbalanced shit right there.

After the 2nd (4-3, Ducks  I KNOW!)

Mood: Completely.  Electrified.
Favorite Sabre: Many, many Sabres are making me love them right now, but mostly, I love Ryan Crunchy Miller.
Least Favorite Sabre: Sorry, Patty. It wasn’t even all your fault. They totally hung you out to dry, but a save or two would have been handy.  Everything calmed waaaay down when Crunchy came in.
Summary of events: Connolly and MacArthur scored two quick goals and made everyone in Buffalo sit straight up in their pajamas and slippies.  Then, the Sabres proceeded to RELENTLESSLY kick ass.  Eventually Montador scored, and now everyone in Buffalo is UTTERLY CAPTIVATED.  (Just as an aside: I’m sorry about your crappy day, Bills fans.  But HOW ‘BOUT THEM SABRES?! )
Item representing the balance of this game so far: wacky teeter totter OF AWESOMENESS

Sometimes you’re an elephant, sometimes you’re a mouse, but either way, CoreyPerry is disgusting.

At the end (5-4, Ducks; Poop.)

Mood: EXHAUSTED.  That game was completely and totally insane.
Favorite Sabre: Ryan Miller you are wonderful
Least Favorite Sabre: Jason Pominville you are fired.
Summary of events: This period was considerably less “totally lawless” than the others but the Sabres had the edge for the ENTIRE time EXCEPT for the split second when Pominville was tossing an ill advised pass that Connolly was totally whiffing on.  That nanosecond completely blew.  But, the Sabres never gave up, and that was a HUGELY entertaining game.  I’m sorry they didn’t win, but I’m pretty proud of them regardless. (Except for Pommerdoodle.  Bad dog.  Bad. *rubs Pommerdoodle’s snout in the terrible pass*)
Balanced thing representing this game: yin and yang

Breath in, breath out.  Breath in, breath out.
We knew they would lose eventually.
It’s all good.

Sabres @ Caps 11/24/09 Thanksgiving Eve Edition

Pregame

I feel like I’ve lost my mojo with the old game day format, so I’m going to try something new, which is to totally wing it.  I’m going to blog about this game, but I have no idea how.   The only preparation for blogging I’ve made this evening is to have a VERY generous glass of wine and to place the wine bottle within arm’s reach.  We’ll see what happens.

You know what rocks?  Thanksgiving, that’s what.  So, tonight we will give thanks.  No matter how dry the turkey the Sabres serve tonight, we WILL be thankful for the them.  We can do it.   I mean, we’re drunk right now.  We can do anything.

1st Period

-Okay, first of all, MY EYES!  MY EYES!  This is the ugliest low-def feed in the history of feeds.   But, um, I am thankful that we have a game to watch at all.  Yeeeah.

-I have a confession to make: I think Ovechkin is totally gross and I’ve been secretly hoping that he’s gotten too fat to play hockey.  Yes, I’ve been reduced to irrationally wishing that Ovechkin a lazy oaf.  I KNOW HE’S A FATTIE AT HEART.  It takes one to know one.  You mark my words, hockey fans- In three years, that guy is going to be too fat to walk, much less play hockey.  And for that, we give thanks.  Sadly, for now, we have to accept that Ovechkin is better at hockey than both Crunchy and Mylers.  But not for long because there is NO WAY that either Crunchy or Mylers is going to get fat.  Ever.   (I’m trying out “Mylers” as a nickname for Tyler Myers, FYI.) 1-0 Caps

In-depth drunken analysis: Well, that could have been worse- Ovechkin could have a hat trick by now.  This game has a topsy turvy feel.  The Caps are speedy and score-y, but they also look awfully we’re-happy-to-sacrifice-defense-y, so maybe, maybe, MAYBE if the silly Sabres could remember how to score, they could still have a chance.  For that chance, we give thanks!

Intermission report: James Kennedy (Tim’s father) is cracking me UP.  He is probably the worst interview in the world.  I am thankful for charmingly monotone NHL fathers who don’t know how to look at the camera (or smile) and as a result look kind of shifty even though you KNOW they’re not.  Totally unrelated- I just toasted a bagel with some drizzled olive oil and I’m pretty sure I could win Iron Chef with this innovative recipe.  I’m thankful for my culinary genius.

2nd Period

– 5 minutes into this period, and I fear the only chance of the Sabres getting out of this game alive is that Ovechkin is eating hoagies on the bench.   Is Ovechkin eating hoagies on the bench? I am thankful for hoagies regardless.

– Rats.  Vanek really needed that one.  And by “that one” I mean that chance all alone right in front of Varlamov.

– RJ declares that some Cap should get a penalty for slashing Kaleta. I am thankful that Rick is such a homer.  I’ve never understood why homerism is so bad. I mean, I get why a fan of the Caps wouldn’t necessarily enjoy Rick Jeanneret, but is that really his target audience?  I’m a Sabres homer, and I appreciate the same in RJ.

– The Sabres have picked it up a bit and are getting lots of chances (and I am thankful), but they canNOT hit the net.   Sillyheads.

– The Caps are reeeeally trying to let the Sabres score now.  Thanks guys, but you’re going to have to try a little harder.  You are playing the S-A-B-R-E-S.

– I just suggested “Mylers” on Twitter, and it was received with icy silence.  Screw you, Twitter.  Um, I mean, I’m thankful for feedback.  *shifty eyes*

In-depth drunken analysis: The Sabres are never going to score again, which is sad, because I like it when they score.  I’m thankful even.

Intermission report: Kylvester tells us that the Caps have been really sucky in the third period lately.  Hooray!  Let us give thanks!

3rd Period

– VANEK IS SUCH A SLAG-FACED WHORE.  He misses the net for, like, the MILLIONTH time this game.

– Maybe this is just the wine talking, but this game is kind of a hoot.    I can’t believe the Sabres are still in this game.  I thought the Caps were supposed to be good.  The Senators would have had a ten goal lead by now.

– Ovechkin boards the hell out of Kaleta and the Sabres go on a 5 minute power play.  Ovechkin loves hockey SO MUCH on his way to the locker room.  Please, please, please, PLEASE let him get suspended for a hit on Patrick Kaleta. That?  Would be hilarious.

– Rivet trips some Cap.  For fucks sake.  4-on-4.

– Okay Sabres.  Collect yourselves.  The 4-on-4 is over and you still have 2 minutes of power play on the Gr8’s penalty.

– Nevermind.

– Ugh.  This game is bonkers, and I have a very unthankful feeling about it right now.  The Caps SUCK!  But not as much as the Sabres!

– Oh NO!  Another Caps penalty!  The Sabres are doooooomed!

– Some sort of clustereff in front of the net makes it 2-0, Capitals.

– I’m losing the will to blog about this game.  Quick!  I have to find something to be thankful about!  Turkey!  The Nutcracker!  Fizzy water!  Kilz primer!  Sea salt!  Pretty fabric!  Good people!

– That….was rough.  I mean, Varlamov had a nice game, but the Sabres offense is INSANELY BAD right now.

In-depth drunken analysis: Alright, Sabres fans.  SHAKE IT OFF.  That game was total bullhonky!  We’re not going to let the Sabres ruin Thanksgiving, because Thanksgiving is bigger than hockey. We can deal with these non-scoring a-holes later.  Tonight, we must shake it off.

I am thankful that this game is over and I still have a nice buzz and wonderful plans for tomorrow.  All you guys have a safe and delicious Thanksgiving.  We’ll viciously turn on the Sabres in full force on Friday, but for now we have better things to think about.  Like thankfulness.   And turkey.

Sabres vs. Flyers 11/06/09

Pregame

Mood: I am super tired, and super happy.  I got an unexpected evening off tonight.   While my colleagues in the BPO are playing a concert at Hilbert College, I find myself “rotated off” the concert (That’s BPO-speak for “the stage is too small to hold all of us, so the string sections have to be reduced”), and plopped in the comfy chair, SUPER pumped to watch a Sabres game.
Favorite Sabre: CRUN-CHY!  CRUN-CHY!  CRUN-CHY!  If you don’t love Crunchy right now, you are not my friend.
Least Favorite Sabre: It’s difficult to choose a favorite Sabre when they are chugging along like this, so I’m going to pick on Toni Tone Tony Lydman.  Dude, I’m sorry your groin hurts, but you should ask Adam Mair what happens to guys when they are injured and the team is winning.  Lindy scratches your ass even when you’re healthy, that’s what.  Godspeed, Toni Lydman’s Groin.  Godspeed.
Prediction: Let’s face it, the Sabres have been playing the dregs of the NHL for the last month.  Tonight feels like “Sabres Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.  This Time It’s Personal”.  Unlike everyone else the Sabres have played recently, the Flyers are supposedly good at hockey.  I’m nervous, excited, and eager to see how the Sabres look.  I think this game will be feisty and fun.  I feel like Mike Richards scored at will against the Sabres last season, so I’m hoping someone punches him square in the face tonight.
Home improvement project representing this game: My downstairs half bath.

The plan for today’s post was to run around, taking pictures of all the unseemly nooks and crannies in my house so that I could use them for this post, but unfortch, that didn’t happen.  I have NO idea where the cord that connects my camera to my computer is right now.  It’s packed up in a box, and frankly, that’s all deterrent I needed to scrap the plan.  I’m sorry that it didn’t work out though because it was going to be cute.

All I do lately is paint, scrap, drill stuff, open boxes, and stand back and wonder how in the hell I’m supposed to fix THAT.  It feels like it’s never going to be acceptable in this house.  Ever.  Right now my house is not a very conducive environment for living, but it IS ripe for comedy.  You’re just going to have to imagine the hilarity though, because I don’t have any pictures.

Except this one….

This is what my downstairs bathroom looked like on the day of the house inspection. The previous owner packed up all his knick knacks and took them away, but unfortunately he left a LOT of wood paneling behind.  The bathroom no longer looks like this.  I’ve painted everything and changed all the fixtures.  Now it’s just a bland little bathroom.  It’s a bit sad, actually.  Truth be told, while I don’t want to have this bathroom in my house, I LOVE this picture.  I plan to frame this picture and hang it in the bathroom as decoration.  Heh.

After the 1st (1-0, Flyers)
Mood: Grossed out.  Carcillo is just completely disgusting in every way.
Favorite Sabre: Crunchy is just on fire.  Such a pleasure to watch.  His legs look extra frog-like to me, and that’s just how I like him.  Extra froggy.
Least Favorite Sabre: Roy-Z is tucking his sweater into the back of his pants tonight.  I don’t like it.  I don’t like it a bit.
Summary of events: Well, I’ve seen worse periods, but I’ve also seen MUCH better.  I’m getting the sense that the Sabres are still trying to decide if they want to to be brats all, “HEY!  You guys aren’t letting us win like the Islanders do!” or, if they want to be men.  Ryan Miller had a few nice saves- the kind we are just taking for granted at this point.  And Tim Kennedy did some REAL foxy back checking on a Mike Richards breakaway.  Then, the ugliest man I have EVER SEEN scored a goal on Crunchy, and I added “Carcillo” to the list of people I irrationally hate.  At the start of the intermission report, while I was rattling around in the kitchen, I heard Roby say, “knit one, purl one” for some reason, and then I added “MIKE ROBITAILLE TOTALLY KNITS” to the list of things that are so awesome that I couldn’t care less if they are true.
Home improvement project representing this game so far: wallpaper in the stairwell

This wallpaper is not in my house, but I DO have striped yellow wallpaper IN THE STAIRWELL.  How the hell am I going to get THAT off?  I can’t reach it all, and I can’t use a ladder on the stairs.  Stupid, Flyers.

After the 2nd (3-1, Flyers)

Mood: Oof.  Remember that whole “rotated off” thing?  Well, I wasn’t rotated off, off.  I was an alternate player in case someone called in sick.  As it turns out, someone DID call in sick, and at 5:30 I got a call telling me I was supposed to go to work tonight.  Trouble is, I didn’t realize my phone was out of juice.  I didn’t get the message until 8:30ish, otherwise known as “30 minutes after the concert started”.  Basically, I didn’t show up for work tonight.  This is VERY bad behavior.  I feel awful.  I’m completely horrified that I screwed up like this. This game?  Isn’t helping.  :(
Favorite Sabre: :(
Least Favorite Sabre: :(
Summary of FUTURE events: I am TOTALLY going to hear about this at work tomorrow.  I am going to be accused of purposefully not picking up the phone so that I could watch this game.  (Um, it doesn’t help that I was making jokes about doing EXACTLY that at rehearsal this morning.  I SWEAR THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT.)  My only saving grace in this debacle is that I didn’t actually GO to the game.  Thank GOD I didn’t actually go.
Home improvement project representing this evening so far: mold in the basement

This is not my basement, but it is how I feel right now.

At the end (5-2, Flyers)
Mood: VERY GRIM
Favorite Sabre: Stupid Sabres, stupid phone, stupid everything.
Least Favorite Sabre: Meh.
Summary of events: I definitely got what I deserved with this game tonight.  Also, this has nothing to do with anything, but crockpots are miraculous.  I put a bunch of raw vegetables and meat in there this afternoon, and somehow it’s stew now.  I think crockpots must use witchcraft and black magiks.  Delicious witchcraftery.
Plan for the future: Let’s just pretend this entire night didn’t happen.  Tomorrow is Friday again.  Sigh.

Sabres @ Predators 10/10/09

Pregame

I am about to do the unthinkable.  I’m going to watch a second consecutive game on DVR delay.  I don’t believe I have EVER attempted such a daring feat in the history of this blog. It worked out so well the other night, that I thought I’d try it again.  The conditions are very similar- I just got done with a fun little BPO show.  Tonight we played a live soundtrack to a Charlie Chaplin film.  I was a pretty good show, if I do say so myself.  Anyhoo, it was an early night at work, so now it’s time for hockey/

Mood: Tired.  I’ve been all kinds of stressed lately.  My viola schedule is totally nutty, plus, I have a variety of  other trials, tribulations, and exciting challenges lurking about.  So, yesterday I was sitting there, feeling overwhelmed when my BFF, Ashley called.  Ashley and her partner Molly (my BFF is a total lesbian), recently had twin girls.  Yesterday they found out that the girls (who are less than a week old, and two weeks premature) need to be fed every two and a half hours because they are so tiny that they will lose weight if they sleep for too long without a snack.  So, Ashley and Molly have to WAKE THEM UP to feed them.  Every two and a half hours they have to rouse their slumbering daughters and feed them.  If both parents are involved, the process of getting them fed, burped, and changed takes forty minutes.   What this means is that until their babies fatten up, Ashley and Molly won’t get more than one hour and fifty minutes of sleep at a time.  Ever.  Have I mentioned that they already have a four-year-old?  Basically, what I’m trying to say is that it’s time for me to buck the hell up, because at least I can take a Tylenol PM and sleep my ass off from time to time.
Favorite Sabre: I’m still kind of swoony from Clarke MacArther’s game against Phoenix.
Least Favorite Sabre: On my way into work I listened to a few minutes of the pregame show on WGR and they played an interview with Tim Connolly that was absurdly flat.  Timmy, it’s okay to use inflection while giving an interview.
Prediction: The power play is still going to suck tonight.
Potentially stressful event representing my hopes for this game: Spelling bee

Spelling bees are scary, but they’re not THAT scary.  I mean, the competitors are prepubescent nerds.  How scare can it get?  (That question is NOT a challenge, Sabres)

After the 1st (0-0)

Mood: Cranky.  It’s time for these prepubescent nerds to start scoring goals.  Also, my non-HD channels have been all wonky and pixellated lately, and for SOME STUPID REASON the Sabres don’t broadcast the road games in HD.  For shame, Sabres.  For shame.
Favorite Sabre: Patrick Lalime, who should be playing tonight.
Least Favorite Sabre: Lindy Ruff, who should have played Lalime tonight.
Summary of events: The Sabres were all “Tra la la….we love getting a million scoring chances and never scoring!  Weeeee!  Let’s do this every night for the rest of our lives!”
Potentially stressful event representing this game: Walking through a parking garage alone at night.

We probably won’t die, but this game feels like it could turn into our worst nightmare any minute now.

After the 2nd (0-0)
Mood: Bored.
Favorite Sabre: Tyler Myers. What’s not to love?
Least Favorite Sabre: Vanek, Roy, Connolly, and Pominville.  These men are paid handsomely to score goals.
Summary of events: I barely paid any attention to that period because I was playing Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook.  During times like this, when I’m so busy and my time is valuable, I have to prioritize my activites.  Apparently, Bejeweled Blitz trumps the Sabres when they’re refusing to score goals.
Potentially stressful event representing this game so far: Driving a manual transmission car in San Francisco.

It’s fine as long as you don’t have to stop (playing Bejeweled Blitz).

At the end (1-0, Sabres)

Mood: Appeased.  For now.

Favorite Sabre: Crunchy! Crunchy!  Crunchy!  (Also, Mike Grier!  Mike Grier!  Mike Grier!)

Least Favorite Sabre: All of the rest of them.

Summary of events: Sometimes a 1-0 game is thrilling, but tonight was not one of those times.  That was ka-razy boring.  It is really, really, really, really time for the Sabres to remember how to score.

Potentially stressful event representing this game: Well I have to admit.  This game was not stressful in the slightest.  It was like taking a Tylenol PM.

zzzz.

Sabres vs Coyotes 10/8/09

Okay, here’s the terrible truth.  I don’t really feel like the NHL season has started.  I missed the first Sabres game, and then I got all wrapped up in the Twins, and I’ve barely had a chance to watch a single minute of anyTHING because I’ve been so busy and preoccupied with about ten thousand things, none of which are hockey.

I’ve been feeling a bit sad, Hockey-wise, so today I’m doing what I almost never do, I’m about to watch a DVRed game.

Pregame

Mood: I am downright DELIGHTED right now.  Tonight my orchestra played with the fabulous, charming, very talented and wonderful, Ben Folds.  I hearted him before the concert, but I heart him even more now.
Favorite Sabre: You know, I’ve barely had the chance to look at the roster much less evaluate the players.  I guess I’ll go with my old standard, Goosenheimer Smith.  HONK!
Least Favorite Sabre: Oh, hell.  I don’t know.  Roy-Z?
Prediction: DVR delay games never end well.  If the Sabres lose, expect dramatically oversized outrage.
Musical Act Representing My Hope For This Game: Ben Folds

He’s sassy, he’s fun, he’s cute as a (nerdy) bug’s ear.

After the 1st (0-0)

Mood: Still chipper!
Favorite Sabre: Staffy is failing to score at every turn, and yet I kind of love him tonight.
Least Favorite: I see Roy-Z is still choosing to pass the puck to some invisible player behind him in lieu of shooting at the net.  Roy-Z is a slag-faced whore.
Observations:
– The Sabres should have made Ed Jovanovski pay for icing the puck two thousand times in a row.
– EW! EW!  A THOUSAND TIMES, EW! Cellino and Barnes pop-up ads during the game?!
– Crunchy is so spunky.
– I looooove my television.
– Seriously.  Since when does Jason Pominville participate in scrums in front of the net?
– That Coyote totally grabbed the puck and threw it across the ice!  Cheater!  Well, at least Rick and Harry are amused by his trickery.  I like to hear RJ giggling.
– HOOOOONK!  Okay, that was MEGA rad how Goose basically just walked up to Jovanovski (who was hogging the puck behind his net) and STOLE THE PUCK WITH THE SHEER FORCE OF HIS WITHERING GAZE.  Too bad the he just fell down once he had the puck.  I think Goose was surprised that that trick worked.
Summary of events: I feel like the Sabres aren’t sucking!  They’re so chippy, and although they can’t score, they look like they’re TRYING.  I also feel like that entire period consisted of each teams neatly, and skillfully stealing the puck off the other’s stick.  Everyone was all, “Hey, look over there! *points at something in the crowd* SIIIIIKE!  I’ll just be taking that puck now, thank you very much.  SUCKER!”
Musical Act Representing This game so far: Liz Phair (I just realized how much this post will reveal my age.  Just the other day I was wondering if I should bother to figure out who Lady Gaga is, or if I should just assume she’ll go away soon.)

She’s kind of a wreck, but she’s weirdly lovable.

After the 2nd (0-0)

Mood: Concerned.  This game should be, like, 15-0 in favor of the Sabres.
Favorite Sabre: They all look the same….
Least Favorite Sabre: ….except Vanek, who looks like an invisible pile of puke.
Summary of Events: The Sabres shot the puck 45,000 times.
Observations:
– Oh for PETE’S SAKE, that was a FOUR MINUTE power play you just wasted, you goobers.
– Oh for PETE’S SAKE, we do NOT attempt to fix our bone-headed skating mistakes by taking a bone-headed penalty.  Steve Montador.
– Oh for PETE’S SAKE.  Don’t take ANOTHER bone-headed penalty on top of the FIRST one.  Hank Tallinder.
– Huh.  They killed all that off.  Good work, goobers.
– Whoa. Teppo’s wife is priddy.
– I’m officially worried that the Sabres are never going to score again.
– Dude.  Crunchy is such a spindly stud.  Three-on-ones are no match for his spindly studliness.
– Rick is outraged that Fiddler left the Predators because, “A FIDDLER in NASHVILLE?  Come ON.”  He’s got a solid point.
– Dave Tippet needs to regrow his mustache.  Stat.
– Okay, the Sabres got the puck in the net ten years after the whistle blew.  But we’re reviewing it anyway.  Let’s take this opportunity to appreciate that funny phone the refs use for times like this.
Musical act representing this game so far: Dave Matthews Band

Let’s face it, this game is a little annoying.  Tomorrow some hippie is going to come along and be all, “Duuuude, I’d rather see a hard fought 1-0 game then a 7-6 game.”  And then I will reply, “Zip it, hippie.  The Dave Matthews Band This game is annoying.”

At the end (2-1, Sabres)

Mood: Jubilant!
Favorite Sabre: CLARKE MACARTHER, also  Mike Grier
Least Favorite Sabre: Sorry Mair and Paille.  Turns out you’re just extras.
Observations of the 3rd:
-It is MONUMENTALLY irritating that the Coyotes just got a goal, but it was totally inevitable.  Now we’ll see if these Sabres have any fight in them.
– Hot DAMN.  MacArthur, I had NO IDEA you had that in you.  WOOO!  1-1!
– Oh no. Tyler Myers.  Please please please be okay.  You’re okay, big fella.
– There are very few things I love more than seeing the back of Sabretooth’s head as he watches the game down near the glass on the broadcast
– You know what I love about hockey?  How the time outs are, like, a nano-second long.
– The Sabres power play doesn’t look that awful but apparently, it is TARE. A. BULL.  The Sabres have been on the power play for half of this game.  No goals.
– Crunchy just made a save with his armpit.  He’s a master!- The Coyotes are wisely taking penalty after penalty, secure in the knowledge that the Sabres are incapable of scoring on the power play.
– WOOOOOOOOOO!  FINALLY.  Thank you, Vanek.  2-1, Sabres! (And is it just me, or is MacArthur looking taller, faster, and like we might never see Paille again?)
– Please hold this lead, you goobers.  Only a minute and a half to go.
– Holy Crap.  They won.
Summary of Events: You know what?  That was a GREAT game.  I’d rather see a hard fought 2-1 win than a 7-6 fiasco.  Heh. (But The Dave Matthews Band still sucks.)  This was exactly the kind of game that they would have DEFINITELY lost last season.  You know who I think might have been the difference?  Mike Grier.  That guy just skates around, keeping things under control, doesn’t he?

Musical act representing this game: Kelley Polar.

I know this man personally and I love him dearly.  He reads this blog, so be nice in the comments.

But please feel free to make fun of his white eye shadow.

Sabres vs Leafs 3/27/09

Pregame

Mood: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!  You know what?  I’m pumped.  I have found the conversation surrounding the Sabres to be totally invigorating lately.  I know some people look at my attitude and think I’m being grouchy (I was accused of being a negative nelly today in Kevin’s comment thread), but I just do NOT feel grumpy about the Sabres.  At all.  Since I decided that they kind of suck I’ve felt the OPPOSITE of grumpy.  I like hockey again.  I find the conversation about what’s wrong with them to be incredibly compelling, but now it’s minus all the emotional turmoil.  I feel great about hockey, and I love the Sabres.
Favorite Sabre: CRUNCHY!  CRUNCHY!  CRUNCHY!
Least Favorite Sabre: Hm….I’m going with Tim Connolly, just cuz.
Prediction: I honestly have NO idea.  Traditionally, the game after an emotional win is when the Sabres phone it in, but Crunchy’s return might give them a nice boost.  Oh, thank GOD Crunchy is back.
Facebook Quiz representing my hopes for this game: Which composer are you?

I am NOT Tchaikovsky.  Now HE was a negative nelly.

After the 1st (2-0, Sabres)

Mood: Entertained.  Please do not misunderstand (especially you, Hockey Gods), I’m not taking this lead as some kind of indication that we are going to win, but this game feels easy-breezy so far.
Favorite Sabre: CRUNCHY!  CRUNCHY!  CRUNCHY!
Least Favorite Sabre: I dunno.  I wasn’t paying close enough attention to notice.
Summary of events: Cujo allowed 50% of the shots he saw into his net.  Crunchy allowed 0% in.  The numbers don’t lie, people.
Facebook quiz representing this game so far: Pick 5

My five favorite movies.

After the 2nd (4-1, Sabres)

Mood: Deeeeelighted.  Man, the Leafs are fun.
Favorite Sabre: CRUNCHY!  CRUNCHY!  CRUNCHY!
Least Favorite Sabre: All of them.  If you CAN backcheck, forecheck, play hard, and look like you give a flying flibberty floo, WHY DON’T YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME?  Jerks.
Summary of events: CuJo was like, “Why, come right in and score at will, Sabres,” and the Sabres were all, “Don’t mind if we do, CuJo!”  Then Cujo was pulled and Pogge was all, “Not so fast, Sabres.”  Then the Sabres were all, “We’re so cute and fast, doncha think?” while the Leafs easily scored a shortie.  Then Crunchy was all, “Oh, now I remember why I hate you guys.”  Then Kate was like, “WOOOOOOOOOOOO! CRUNCHY! CRUNCHY! CRUNCHY!”
Facebook quiz representing this game so far: What color is your aura?

Facebook says my aura is red but I think I’m probably a little more pinkish.  That business about “will power” and “persistance” is total bullhonky. I, um, have no idea what this has to do with this hockey game.  This post is a stretch.  A true red aura-ed person would never write this post.

At the end (5-3, Sabres)

Mood: Basically pleased.  If the Sabres win tomorrow in regulation I MIGHT allow a smidgen of hope back into my heart (maybe), but I will be sad to see this, “Aw, fuck it, the Sabres just suck” phase go.  It’s been downright therapeutic for me.
Favorite Sabre: CRUNCHY!  CRUNCHY!  CRUNCHY!
Least Favorite Sabre: Dude, Toni Tone Tony Lydman.  Stop taking dumb penalties.   Just.  Stop.
Summary of events: The Sabres were all, “Hm.  Maaaaaybe we want to keep coach killing after all.  Let’s let these Leafs back into the game.”  Then Goose was all, “Eff that.  Let’s win.”  And then he did his adorable happy dance.
Snack you should eat as soon as possible representing this game: Wegmans brand Green Apple Sorbet

If you see this, you should eat it.

Sabres vs. Thrashers, 3/14/09

Pregame

Remember me?  That chick who used to blog about the Sabres?   Well, I’m back baby.  Last week I meandered away from our little slug clad anti-heroes.  I just couldn’t care about them.  But then I went to the Panthers game.  My mission going into the arena was, “Don’t let them put you in a bad mood.”  I enjoyed that game immensely, and I think I probably would have enjoyed myself even if the Sabres had played themselves out of the playoff race.  A switch has been flipped in my approach to this season.  Frankly, I’m assuming they are going to miss the playoffs now, which sounds depressing on the surface, but in reality my new bad attitude has allowed me to enjoy hockey again.  The season is going to be over before we know it, and I might as well enjoy the games we have left.   It’s crappy hockey, but it’s still hockey.

Mood: Tired, dude!  I’ve been violing like it’s going out of style.  When I’m not playing the viola, I’m sewing little square scraps of fabric together.  My life is very glamorous.
Favorite Sabres: Let’s see, who is on this team again?  No, no, no NOT him, um, no, no, no, maaybe, no, no, oh HELL NO, no, nope, oooh!  Patrick Lalime!  Patrick Lalime is a hero, and don’t you forget it.
Least Favorite Sabre: Jason Pominville is just freaking me out now.
Prediction: Thrashers win 3-1.  Sorry.
Fabric representing my hope for this game: Black and gray plaid.  I have replaced the time I used to spend thinking about hockey, with time spent thinking about fabric.  I have a disease.  My name is Kate, and I’m addicted to looking at fabric online.  You can expect this blog to morph from nonsense about hockey to nonsense about fabric any day now. (Fabric and hockey are pretty much the same audience, right?)  Anyhoo, I’m predicting this game will be a boring old square of black plaid.

Black plaid isn’t really bad, it’s just a little lame.  Kind of like the Sabres.

After the 1st (1-0, Thrashers)

Mood: Unimpressed.  That was pretty uninspired.  The Sabres look tight, and they are being out worked by the Thrashers.
Favorite Sabre: Max.  I’ve had a weird burst of affection for Max since he’s returned from his injury.  It’s not like he’s been hugely effective or anything, but he often looks like the only Sabre on the ice who really gives a damn.  Sure, he usually just skates spastically around before taking a weird angle shot that deflects directly to the opposition, but whatever.  At least he looks like he’s trying.
Least Favorite Sabre: Jason Pominville is never scoring again.  I don’t think he’s even trying to score anymore.
Fabric representing this game so far: camouflage that appears in normal street clothes.

Not cute.

After the 2nd (3-1, Sabres)

Mood: Relieved.  I was getting worried that I was going to have to think of a fabric worse than camouflage and the very thought was making my head spin.  Also, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Summary of events: First the Sabres were like, “Hm.  Is a diaper worse than camouflage?  Can a diaper even be considered fabric?  Isn’t a diaper something you make out of fabric?”  But then they were all, “Hey, let’s stop trying to think of a fabric uglier than camouflage and try to score some goals.”
Favorite Sabre: Maxim Afinogenov.  You know what?  Common sense be damned.  I love him.
Least Favorite Sabre: Still Pommers, but maybe slightly less so because he appeared to TRY to score at least once in that period.
Fabric representing this game so far:

after the first goal:  Lily Posy from Baskets of Flowers

Kind of prim, but still a cutie.

After the second goal: Bluebell Posy from Baskets of Flowers

oooooh.  KEY-UTE!

After the THIRD goal: AH09 Gold from (my beloved) Garden Party

Like a ray of sunshine, Max and Vanek team up for prettiness.

After the 3rd, OT, and a shootout (4-3, Thrashers)

Mood: Grossed out, and incredibly sad for Patrick Lalime.  Poor bastard.

Summary of Events: The Sabres give up a shortie to make it 3-2.  Jason Pominville fails to clear the puck with three seconds to go, and the Thrashers tie the game.  Then, somewhere in Edmonton, Ales Kotalik chuckles wryly as twenty million Sabres fail to score in the shootout.

Fabric representing this game: Cloth diaper.

Just be glad I chose a clean diaper.