Farewell

In his first NFL start, rookie QB Trent Edwards ruined the Buffalo Bills projected 0-16 season, and lead the battered Bills to a 17-14 win over the New York Jets.

So J.P, I imagine this is goodbye.   Goodbye, you handsome, tree planting, garbage collecting, Buffalo loving, lunkhead.  While I’m not sure you’re welcome to quarterback the Bills, you are always welcome to grab a garbage bag and clean up the Eastside.  I totally like you and I wish things had worked out differently.  Call me if you ever need to talk.

The Sad Truth

Recently, I have had to come to terms with the fact that the schedules of a professional orchestra and a professional hockey team to not make good bed fellows. I work nearly every weekend night, and so do the Sabres. Obviously, this presents some difficultly in regards to my watching and attending games. I am cringing in advance over all of the games I will miss. For the millionth time in my life, I’m thinking, “You IDIOT! Of all the freaking things in the entire world you could have chosen to do, you chose the VIOLA?!”

Last spring I was suffering from a tendinitis-like pain in my left hand. Musicians tend to be pretty cautious about such things because we all know people who have had their careers ended by chronic pain. No matter what I did, the only thing that made my hand feel better was rest, so after a few weeks of frustration, I opted to call in sick rather than push it. The upside of this injury (which is much better now, thanks for asking) is that I found myself watching Game 5 against the Rangers, rather than performing with the rest of my colleagues. The only reason I got to watch that game is because I had to call in sick that night. The realization that in the future I will surely miss equally exciting games is very disturbing indeed.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I just wish we kept better hours.

Groins: The Innocent Victims.

Something is terribly wrong with the groins in the NHL.

Connolly, Peters, Afinogenov, Kalinin, and Gaustad…..and those are just the Sabres groins. It’s an NHL-wide epidemic, and it’s devastating the groins of otherwise healthy young men. Enough is enough. I am here to speak out in strong advocacy of groins everywhere. We must find a cure. This disease must be stopped.

If you would like to donate time or money to the cause of groin health and research, please call 1-800-GRN-CURE. Volunteers are standing by. Please, don’t turn your back on these young millionaires. Right now, the groin trauma is contained to the NHL, but without a cure, your groin could be next.

Thank you for your support.

Ew.

Derek Roy Appreciation Day!

As you go about your day, please take a moment to celebrate Derek Roy Appreciation Day. Last night, in a Sabres 7-2 preseason win over the Toronto Leafs, Roy scored three goals with three assists, and in doing so filled our hearts with hope and joy. Derek Roy is Buffalo’s pocket-sized hero, and today we honor his scrappy determination. In recognition of his six-point game against the Leafs on Wednesday night, we here at The Willful Caboose would like to offer him this Sheriff’s Badge,

….and this coupon for a delicious Wendy’s old fashioned hamburger.

Congratulations, Derek Roy!

Yearbook Day!

As I am wont to do, I wandered onto the Sabres website today. I was just sort of meandering around, looking for fun stuff, when I realized, “Hey! Shouldn’t there be new Sabres yearbook photos soon?” And low and behold! It’s picture day!

I should start out by saying that I love that these guys have to sit down for pictures every year like elementary school students. There is something very charming about grown men getting their photo taken for the yearbook. The scenario also creates all sorts of titillating locker room situations in my imagination. Suddenly, the guys are not just cleaning up after a game; now they are also hilariously primping. Because, you know, it’s picture day. I hope that they have to stand in a single file line as they wait to get photographed, and I hope someone hands them one of those tiny black combs so that they can make last minutes adjustments to their hair. I don’t know about you, but for me, picture day held an amazing amount of promise.

Let’s check in on the winners and losers of Sabres Picture Day ’07, shall we?

First of all, the winners:

Derek Roy, Tim Connolly, Jochen Hecht, and Ryan Miller

These boys showed up to picture day with their A game. All of these guys are looking their personal best, which is really the best case scenario for a yearbook photo. We can’t all be super models, but we can all embrace our own unique beauty. Well played boys! I particularly enjoy Derek Roy’s obviously carefully styled hair. Roysie is clearly angling for a leadership role on the team this season, and he is leaving no hair uncoifed in his effort to show Lindy he’s got what it takes to lead the team to victory. Tim Connolly embraced the grin this season; a move I whole heartily endorse. Jochen Hecht has got the best coy, hint-of-a-smile in the business. And lastly, even with questionable raw material to work with, Ryan Miller consistently brings it on picture day. It just goes to show, a little bit of confidence goes a long way. Bravo! Bravo!

Sadly, not everyone had such successful picture days. For every Derek Roy, there must be a Drew Stafford.

Oh, Staffy.

This picture is a disaster. Not only did Stafford opt for a cocky sneer, but he appears to have spent his summer sleeping in a coffin and drinking the blood of virgins. His alabaster skin is terrifying in an undead kind of way. Staffy, next year try pinching your cheeks to bring some color to your skin before you sit down for your yearbook photo. If you are in fact a flesh eating zombie, I think you should just own it, and give us your best bloody, fang-filled smile. (Good work with the unibrow, though. Those eyebrows can’t be easy to deal with. I give you full credit there.)

duh…

Listen up, Pommers and Soupy. I get it. You’re non-threatening. You’re cute and nice. I GET IT, already. Now sit up straight, close your mouths, and act like the puckbunny fodder you supposedly are. Look at Roysie up there! He’s making FOOLS out of you guys. Being a teen-bopper favorite is an honor and a privilege, and if you are not up to the task, the squealing fourteen-year-old girls will find someone who is. This is your last warning.

This last photo defies all logic and reason. You should sit down before you view it, such is its incredible power. Brace yourselves, Dear Readers. Brace yourself for Toni Lydman ’07.

Sweet mother of God.

I….don’t…know what….to..say. When I first saw this photo I laughed for about twenty minutes, then I might have cried for a little while, I don’t know….it was a confusing time. If Hilary Clinton and a baby chick got married and had a child, this is what their child would look like when it woke up from a nap. In other words, this might be the greatest hockey yearbook photo ever taken, but it might also be the worst. I can’t tell. My love for Toni Tony Tone Lydman has increased ten-fold, of this I am certain. It remains to be seen how this photo will effect Toni’s status as Kate’s Potential Favorite Sabre, but he’s certainly given me a lot think about here. You can say what you want about Toni Lydman, but you really can’t argue with his moxie.

There you have it folks! Be sure to check out the rest of the gang over at the Sabres website. Who’s your favorite?

 

 

38-7

Listen, when I left for work this afternoon it was the 2nd quarter, and the Bills were winning 3-7. I did my part by keeping the Bills in the game while I was watching. I’m not sure what the hell happened while I was at work, but clearly I cannot trust the rest of WNY to properly tend to the football game. I often work on Sunday, so you all are going to have to pick up the slack here.

This one is on you guys.

:D

Thank god hockey is back.

I Hate the Rangers

I haven’t been a hockey fan long enough to have solidified my hatred towards the Sabres’ rivals. Frankly, at this stage, I don’t really care one whiff about the Flyers or the Leafs. And while I don’t particularly want to invite them over for dinner, my dislike of the Senators is confined to the hockey arena.

Right now, the only team I loath is the New York Rangers. In joining the Rangers, Chris Drury revealed that it was his lifelong dream to play in New York. EW! Not only did he leave us, but he never even loved us in the first place! The Rangers are disgusting and I hate them.

Which is why I found this headline so delightful:

Listen, I wish Chris Drury well off the ice, but I’m not going to lie, I think it would be awesome to watch him suffer a few losing seasons in New York after he so narrowly escaped the horrors of Buffalo.

I know, I know, it’s the preseason, and it doesn’t mean anything, but I’ll take anything I can get. Captain Clutch is a loser (at least for today)! Heh.

Click here if you want to barf.

Baby Sabres

I went to the game against the Blue Jackets! The Sabres lost 4-1! Bummer!

I have no idea what a preseason walloping means for a professional hockey team. Glenn and I were making jokes on the way out of the arena along the lines of, “Help! Someone tell us what to think! Should we be panicking?! How should we FEEL?!” The average age of the Sabres line-up was about fifteen, so it’s kind of hard to judge. For the most part I had a lot of fun, but obviously I wish the Sabres had won. (Or scored more goals.) (Or hadn’t spend the entire game in the penalty box.)

Here are my observations:

-Vanek looks high strung out there. I’ve been thinking it in all of the practices I’ve seen (3), and now I’m saying it. Dude looks stressed. I suspect he’d feel a lot better if he got rid of some of that money. (Thomas, may I suggest donating a few million to a local non-profit organization? I bet you’d feel a lot less weighed down by the contract if you were giving back to the community. I happen to know of a very highly regarded arts organization that is in the middle of an endowment campaign….. )

-Thibault might have OCD. He is very aware of the amount of snowy debris in his crease.

-Seriously, Mark Mancari (Yellow 19) is the best.

-The hotdogs at HSBC arena are not worth eating.

-Watching hockey is much harder in person because there is no Rick Jeanneret telling me what is going on. In particular, the fights confused me. I like to know why everyone is fighting. Without RJ, I most certainly do not understand why everyone is fighting. (Andrew Peters got tossed out of the game about 5 seconds in.)

-Toni Lydman is the current front runner for Kate’s Unexpected Favorite Sabre. I don’t know why, but Toni Tony Tone Lydman is a Katebits beacon. Every time he is on the ice, I am drawn to him and what he is doing. I guess I just like that guy. My high levels of Lydman awareness has been an interesting development because I certainly didn’t have him pegged as a potential favorite. For one thing, he looks like a Finnish redneck. For another thing, he has baby chick hair. For another thing, his name does not lend itself to a good nickname. I am concerned that “Loodie” is the go-to nickname, and I’m just not into it at all. Right now I’m fighting my Lydman love, but I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out. He’s calling me. (If this keeps up you can expect to see me in the Sabres gift shop fondling the Lydman jerseys and singing R.E.O Speedwagon. “I can’t fight this feeeling anymooore! I’ve forgotten what I started fighting foo-ooor.”)

-The Sabres took, like, forty-five thousand penalties. If I am not mistaken, all of the Blue Jacket goals were scored on the Power Play. It was kind of annoying.

-I like Jaroslav Spacek. There, I said it. I like him. I like his weird rectangle head. I like Jaro. I am prepared to give him my unwavering support this season.

-It appears that I am going to need a jersey for the games. I was jealous of everyone with a jersey. Right now, Lydman is in the lead. (Q:How cute would Heather and I be with Tallinder/Lydman jerseys? A: Extremely! [Lindy, you can’t break up the band!])

-When you think you are taking a picture, but you accidentally shoot a video, it’s funny.

Helmet Nuzzling

The helmet nuzzle is one of my favorite non-hockey, hockey player moves.

I’m pretty sure that Pommers is checking out another Sabre in this photograph. I don’t think he’s quite as into this nuzzle as Miller. I hate to say it, but I don’t see any real chemistry here. Sadly, they’re just going through the motions with this nuzzle.

He’s just not that into you.

 

Paul Gaustad on the other hand, gives very good helmet nuzzle. Note the eye contact, and the hand atop Marty’s head. Goose knows how to treat a lady goaltender.

Goose tries a little tenderness.

 

I’m going to the pre-season game with Glenn tonight. Dear Readers, you can count on a full report of the game, including any instances of helmet nuzzling. We here at The Willful Caboose are nothing if not thorough in reporting the action (all action).

 

 

Do You Have The Fever?

The Marimba Ponies play the Sabre Dance.