Pregame
I feel like I’ve lost my mojo with the old game day format, so I’m going to try something new, which is to totally wing it. I’m going to blog about this game, but I have no idea how. The only preparation for blogging I’ve made this evening is to have a VERY generous glass of wine and to place the wine bottle within arm’s reach. We’ll see what happens.
You know what rocks? Thanksgiving, that’s what. So, tonight we will give thanks. No matter how dry the turkey the Sabres serve tonight, we WILL be thankful for the them. We can do it. I mean, we’re drunk right now. We can do anything.
1st Period
-Okay, first of all, MY EYES! MY EYES! This is the ugliest low-def feed in the history of feeds. But, um, I am thankful that we have a game to watch at all. Yeeeah.
-I have a confession to make: I think Ovechkin is totally gross and I’ve been secretly hoping that he’s gotten too fat to play hockey. Yes, I’ve been reduced to irrationally wishing that Ovechkin a lazy oaf. I KNOW HE’S A FATTIE AT HEART. It takes one to know one. You mark my words, hockey fans- In three years, that guy is going to be too fat to walk, much less play hockey. And for that, we give thanks. Sadly, for now, we have to accept that Ovechkin is better at hockey than both Crunchy and Mylers. But not for long because there is NO WAY that either Crunchy or Mylers is going to get fat. Ever. (I’m trying out “Mylers” as a nickname for Tyler Myers, FYI.) 1-0 Caps
In-depth drunken analysis: Well, that could have been worse- Ovechkin could have a hat trick by now. This game has a topsy turvy feel. The Caps are speedy and score-y, but they also look awfully we’re-happy-to-sacrifice-defense-y, so maybe, maybe, MAYBE if the silly Sabres could remember how to score, they could still have a chance. For that chance, we give thanks!
Intermission report: James Kennedy (Tim’s father) is cracking me UP. He is probably the worst interview in the world. I am thankful for charmingly monotone NHL fathers who don’t know how to look at the camera (or smile) and as a result look kind of shifty even though you KNOW they’re not. Totally unrelated- I just toasted a bagel with some drizzled olive oil and I’m pretty sure I could win Iron Chef with this innovative recipe. I’m thankful for my culinary genius.
2nd Period
– 5 minutes into this period, and I fear the only chance of the Sabres getting out of this game alive is that Ovechkin is eating hoagies on the bench. Is Ovechkin eating hoagies on the bench? I am thankful for hoagies regardless.
– Rats. Vanek really needed that one. And by “that one” I mean that chance all alone right in front of Varlamov.
– RJ declares that some Cap should get a penalty for slashing Kaleta. I am thankful that Rick is such a homer. I’ve never understood why homerism is so bad. I mean, I get why a fan of the Caps wouldn’t necessarily enjoy Rick Jeanneret, but is that really his target audience? I’m a Sabres homer, and I appreciate the same in RJ.
– The Sabres have picked it up a bit and are getting lots of chances (and I am thankful), but they canNOT hit the net. Sillyheads.
– The Caps are reeeeally trying to let the Sabres score now. Thanks guys, but you’re going to have to try a little harder. You are playing the S-A-B-R-E-S.
– I just suggested “Mylers” on Twitter, and it was received with icy silence. Screw you, Twitter. Um, I mean, I’m thankful for feedback. *shifty eyes*
In-depth drunken analysis: The Sabres are never going to score again, which is sad, because I like it when they score. I’m thankful even.
Intermission report: Kylvester tells us that the Caps have been really sucky in the third period lately. Hooray! Let us give thanks!
3rd Period
– VANEK IS SUCH A SLAG-FACED WHORE. He misses the net for, like, the MILLIONTH time this game.
– Maybe this is just the wine talking, but this game is kind of a hoot. I can’t believe the Sabres are still in this game. I thought the Caps were supposed to be good. The Senators would have had a ten goal lead by now.
– Ovechkin boards the hell out of Kaleta and the Sabres go on a 5 minute power play. Ovechkin loves hockey SO MUCH on his way to the locker room. Please, please, please, PLEASE let him get suspended for a hit on Patrick Kaleta. That? Would be hilarious.
– Rivet trips some Cap. For fucks sake. 4-on-4.
– Okay Sabres. Collect yourselves. The 4-on-4 is over and you still have 2 minutes of power play on the Gr8’s penalty.
– Nevermind.
– Ugh. This game is bonkers, and I have a very unthankful feeling about it right now. The Caps SUCK! But not as much as the Sabres!
– Oh NO! Another Caps penalty! The Sabres are doooooomed!
– Some sort of clustereff in front of the net makes it 2-0, Capitals.
– I’m losing the will to blog about this game. Quick! I have to find something to be thankful about! Turkey! The Nutcracker! Fizzy water! Kilz primer! Sea salt! Pretty fabric! Good people!
– That….was rough. I mean, Varlamov had a nice game, but the Sabres offense is INSANELY BAD right now.
In-depth drunken analysis: Alright, Sabres fans. SHAKE IT OFF. That game was total bullhonky! We’re not going to let the Sabres ruin Thanksgiving, because Thanksgiving is bigger than hockey. We can deal with these non-scoring a-holes later. Tonight, we must shake it off.
I am thankful that this game is over and I still have a nice buzz and wonderful plans for tomorrow. All you guys have a safe and delicious Thanksgiving. We’ll viciously turn on the Sabres in full force on Friday, but for now we have better things to think about. Like thankfulness. And turkey.
The Willful Caboose 