I’m not sure what this says about me, but this might be the very funniest thing I have ever seen.
Perhaps you’ve seen it before, but it’s new to me via failblog.
I just watched it, like, 43 times in a row.
Archive for January, 2009
WordPress just totally deleted a post that I was working on. Bastards. This has never happened before, and I am quite sad. The post was a super funny/sublime/poignant one- perhaps the greatest, most awesome thing the internet has ever known- and now, it is lost forever.
Here is a short summary, as I am too depressed to recreate the post it its entirety. When you read this, please imagine that it is much funnier/sublimer/poignanter.
1. Huh. Tim Connolly is good at hockey. I totally thought you people were crazy, but now I see what you’ve been going on about.
2. Pierre McGuire is….yucky.
3. Lindy, you should have played Lalime. I meant to email you earlier to remind you to play Lalime tonight, but I forgot.
4. Um, is this really our blueline? For how long?
5. What’s going on with the all-blizzard-all-the-time action we’ve got going on in Buffalo this winter? Give it a rest, snow.
Sabres @ Oilers, 1/28/09
Published January 27, 2009 Edmonton Oilers , Game Day , Hooray For Winning! , Joyful 29 CommentsPregame
Mood: WOOOOOO!! I love love LOVE late night, west coast starts. Last season the west coast road trip was one of the worst stretches of hockey we saw the Sabres play all season, and yet, those were some of my favorite games. I’m a night owl anyway, and the late starts add a slightly thrilling element of “out of the ordinary” to the week.
It’s like a Sabres sleepover.
We’re all in our footie pajamas, eating junk food and trying to stay awake. Staying awake for these games is a point of pride.
Favorite Sabre: You know who I almost never think about anymore? Sweet little Pommerdoodle.
Least Favorite Sabre(s): Teppo’s face, Hank’s shoulder, and Andrej’s noggin.
Prediction: I’m going to hate watching the Oilers’ feed.
Sleepover activity representing my hope for this game: a scary movie
Freddy Krueger freaked my shit out.
Scary movies could be super fun, but I always suffered quite a bit of anxiety before watching them. They were almost never as bad as I thought they were going to be. Except for Freddy Krueger. Are the Oilers Freddy Krueger?
After the 1st (3-0, Sabres)
Mood: This is the best sleepover EVER!
Favorite Sabre: Staffy! “Moooore Braaaaains! Uncle Barrie I waaant moooore braaaains!”
Least Favorite Sabre: Rivet’s manbits gave us a scare there, didn’t they? We canNOT afford anymore injuries on defense.
Summary of events: Staffy showed up to the sleepover all, “WOOOOO, this is going to ROOOOOCK!” And then Paeastchaetch (who no one can even remember inviting) was all, “THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO THIS PARTY, GUYS!” and then Roy-Z was all, “I’m the boss of this sleepover. If you are a scrub,” *mean glance at Staffy and Paetsch*, “don’t get ANY ideas about thinking you’re cool. I’M the Mean Girl around here!” *tosses hair*
Sleepover event summarizing this game thus far: gorging on junk food.
Don’t stop stuffing your face until you feel like you’re going to puke (or until the Oilers pull Roloston).
After the 2nd (7-1, Sabres. Seriously.)
Mood: Deeeeeelighted!
Favorite Sabre: All of them! But especially Vanek because it’s funny when he scores against Edmonton.
Summary of events: The Sabres are jumping on the beds, high on sugar and plesantly freaked out from watching scary movies. It’s all giggly and, like, the most fun EVER.
Sleepover event representing this game thus far: crank calling teachers.
There is nothing funnier than crank calling teachers.
At the end (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9….we want 10-2, Sabres!)
Mood: That. Was. Awesome. The Sabres dodged a MAJOR bullet by rethinking the blackout and negotiating a deal to broadcast these games. That was my favorite game ever.
Favorite Sabre: Oh Staffy. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways goals. 1, 2, 3. Three goals = a zombie hat trick.
Least Favorite Sabre: I love them all, with passion, and from the bottom of my heart. Even Timmy.
Summary of events: Awesomeness.
Sleepover event representing this game: Someone stole the peppermint schnapps from their parent’s liquor cabinet, and now the boys from homeroom are threatening to crash the sleepover.
This night shall live in infamy.
I am so glad that the Sabres came to their senses and made a deal with MSG to broadcast the West coast road trip. I LOVE late start games, and I would have been HUGELY irked to have missed games against teams we rarely see. That was a super boneheaded move in the first place by the Sabres, but I’ll give them credit for responding to the fan outcry.
The funny thing is, I think I suspected all along that the problem would be solved in time for me to watch the games on television. Last week I kept thinking, “I need to remember to get really pissed about the fact that I can’t watch the Sabres next week. Maybe I’ll give it one more day…”
I’m not kidding. This is what my to-do list looked like:
1. Organize BOSA fund raiser
2. Practice Bartok
3. Clean bathroom
4. Fly into a frothy rage about the untelevised Sabres games.
5. Call mother
6. Car wash
And then, before I got around to crossing “fly into a frothy rage over untelevised Sabres games” off my to-do list, the Sabres went and fixed the problem.
Procrastination pays off again!
You guys, I can’t thank you ENOUGH for how you have responded to the Buffalo Outdoor Sports Association fund raiser. The response has been truly wonderful. Thank you so so so so so so so so much to everyone who has donated. In the next couple of days I will tell you more about the money we’ve raised and the way it will be spent.
In the meantime, if you haven’t yet donated, please take a minute to read yesterday’s post (and browse the selection of TOTALLY glamorous prizes) and consider making a small donation. Every little bit helps, and you could win an autographed picture of Crunchy!
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At work this week we played a concert with three Mozart symphonies and two intermissions. Because of having two intermissions, the pacing of the show was very hockey-esque. All that was missing were the Timbits during the intermissions and Sabretooth with a t-shirt gun shooting into the audience. At the end of the concert this afternoon we were joking that we should play a 5 minute OT encore, and then after that engage in some sort of orchestra vs. conductor head to head combat until a victor can be determined.
My point is that I am crazy tired. Playing a hockey game of Mozart is hard! I have no energy for my original plan, which was an All-Star game liveblog. Instead, I’m going to eat dinner and hang around in the IPB open thread this evening.
Enjoy the All-Star game everyone!
I’m going to use the All-Star break as an excuse to veer waaaaay off from my normal TWC-stylings.
I come to you, oh faithful TWC reader, on bended knee, asking for your help. There is a Buffalo-based cause that is very near and dear to my heart, and I would like to ask you to donate a small amount of money to keep it up and running.
_______
One of my good friends, Debby Klein, runs a small, non-profit program called the Buffalo Outdoor Sports Association.
Here is a short description of the service that BOSA provides:
The Buffalo Outdoor Sports Association, LLC is a non-profit organization committed to providing year round adapted sports opportunities to children and young adults with developmental disabilities.
Founded by a pediatric physical therapist, BOSA provides challenging, meaningful group sports including skiing and cycling which are adapted to meet the special needs of its members.
The organization is run completely by volunteer staff and community donations with all funds collected going directly to sports programs and to expanding adapted sports opportunities to accommodate more members and more sports choices.
Every week, The Buffalo Outdoor Sports Association provides a meaningful sporting experience adapted for the individual needs of developmentally disabled children. It’s a wonderful program, and they are doing truly awesome work. This program is a labor of love.
Right now, the Buffalo Outdoor Sports Association is a fairly bare bones operation. There are no paid employees, and the $6,000 annual budget is spent entirely on providing safe and fun group sports to kids who might otherwise not get to play. BOSA survives from month to month on donations and small fund raisers. All of the money collected goes directly to sports activities and transportation costs for the participants.
The Buffalo Outdoor Sports Association works hard to provide as much scholarship as possible. The cycling programs are all FREE, and the participation fees for the skiing program are on a sliding scale based on ability to pay. Basically, the more money BOSA has, the more kids they can bring skiing and biking.
So, the Buffalo Outdoor Sports Association needs our help! One of the biggest weekly expenses for the program is busing. It cost $300 a week to bus the kids out to Kissing Bridge to ski. It’s my goal to provide a TWC sponsored bus ride this month.
Three hundred dollars. We can do it!
I would LOVE to collect more than $300, but I’m a firm believer in setting small, attainable goals, so for now, we set our sights on $300. You can rest assured that if this fund raiser is a smashing success and we accidentally raise enough money to pay for A MILLION buses and ten years of BOSA’s budget, the money will be well spent, and many children will benefit from your generosity.
If we wind up making over $300, the money will be spent on future transportation costs, or to grow the program. One of the ways in which the program is expanding is with plans to purchase two tandem recumbent tricycles to include children with more severe disabilities in the cycling program. (On a personal side note- how rad does a ride on a tandem recumbent tricycle sound? That’s awesome! Triking with my BFF?! Sweet!) I can offer my personal guarantee that the Buffalo Outdoor Sports Association will spend your money wisely, and with the best interest of its participants at heart.
This is a non-profit organization, and all donations are fully tax deductible. You will receive a receipt for tax purposes.
The Buffalo Outdoor Sports Association is true and good. I want to help, because this work is important and it deserves to be funded.
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I know that this a a bad time to be asking for your money. We’re barely past the holidays, and all we ever hear about is how the economy is slipping into everlasting despair. I know that it’s kind of uncool of me to be all, “Fork it over, people!” but I’m going to do it anyway. Fork it over, people!
The good news is that I’m not asking for much. I’ve done some basic calculations, and if every person who reads this blog donates $50,000, we would have a total donation of $150,000! Just think of all the lives we could touch with that kind of cash!
Heh. Juuuuust kidding.
$300. That’s our goal.
To entice you to donate, I have a small selection of prizes which you will be eligible to win when you donate. Every person who donates $10 or more will be entered into a drawing to win one of these FAAAAABULOUS PRIZES:
Prize #1: OMG, AN AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE OF RYAN “CRUNCHY” MILLER!!!
This INCREDIBLE picture featuring Crunchy comes complete with a CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY signed by BOTH Dave AND Buster Adam! It’s totally covered in awesome holographic stickers (holographic stickers = “this thing is SUPER RAD” at Dave and Adam’s Card World) and this picture was also featured prominently in this post.
Prize #2: SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY! IT’S A SIGNED PICTURED OF DREW “MORE BRAAAAINS” STAFFORD!!
Sorry about the crappy quality of this image of the picture. My scanner is refusing to work tonight. I assure you, this picture is a sharp representation of Staffy’s foxiness. This picture has one less metallic holographic sticker than Crunchy’s photo, but it still comes with a Dave and Adam’s Certificate of Authenticity.
Prize #3: Um, WOW! IT’S….A REGULAR, UNSIGNED PICTURE OF GOOSE!
Here’s the story with this picture: Remember when I entered into the deal with Dave and Adam to run an ad in exchange for autographed Sabres photos? Well, all of these photos were part of that deal. As you can see, my Gaustad photo showed up UNSIGNED. It was an honest mistake and I never bothered to follow up with Dave and Adam….so I wound up with an unsigned (but very handsome) photograph of Goose. The photo comes with NO Certificate of Authenticity, but it DOES have one metallic holographic sticker.
Prize #4: HOORAY! IT’S A WINTER CLASSIC DVD!
Perhaps you don’t care for autographed pictured of Sabres! Well, hopefully you’ll win this DVD instead!
Between you and me, not a ton of people read this blog, so if you donate $10 or more, you’ll probably have a fairly good chance of winning a prize. We’re not talking state lottery odds here.
_________
The bottom line:
To donate, please click this button.
You will be directed to a safe and secure Paypal page. You will be asked to enter the amount of your donation.
Then you pay in one of two ways:
1. Using your Paypal account.
2. If you don’t have a Paypal account, or you don’t feel like using it, you can enter your credit card information by clicking “continue” on the lower left hand side underneath the sentence “Don’t have a Paypal account?”
In the last stage of checking out, you will be asked “Would you like to be in the prize drawing?” Type in “yes” in the text box, and your name will be entered into the drawing for the prizes.
After you donate, you will receive an emailed receipt for your tax deductible donation.
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Thank you SO MUCH for your consideration. I would never ever ask for you money if this wasn’t something I really believed in, and I promise I won’t make a habit out of begging you for your hard earned cash in the future.
This is good cause that helps kids in Buffalo. Please consider making a donation. Every little bit helps!
1. My lifetime supply of deeply discounted meats and cheeses arrived in the mail today! Rejoice!
2. I’m sorry this blog has been so lame lately. It’s not entirely my fault. I’ve been pretty busy and the Sabres just haven’t been that funny lately. Be FUNNIER, Sabres!
3. The image of Hank’s dangling, dislocated/broken/comPLETEly-effed-up arm has been haunting me all day. I don’t know why that gave me such a terrible case of the heebie-jeebies, but it did. *shiver* (Also, poor Hank. And Poor Heather.)
4. We have no healthy defencemen. To apply for a job as a Sabres defenceman, please call Darcy Regier at, 1-800-HOLY-EFF ext: SCREWED
5. When the teams are evenly matched in their suckitude, I really, really love sloppy hockey. If the Sabres had won that game last night that would have been one of my favorite games of the season so far. I’ve always enjoyed watching the Lightning, and I think it’s because their games are always on the verge of spinning totally out of control. I know that technically the Rangers are a good team and the Lightning are a bad team, but I’ll take Tampa any day over a team like the stodgy old Rangers.
6. Are you getting ready to open your wallets to support the sports-related non-profit of my choosing? Well, GET READY PEOPLE! :D
The Sabres are supposed to come back against Tampa. Not fall behind and stay behind. That was lame.
When you look at this rundown of how I spent my MLK holiday weekend, please consider the fact that before the spring of 2007, I rarely, if ever watched sports.
Friday: Went to the Bandits game. The Bandits won 23-6. You guys, in a lot of ways I like Bandits games more than I like Sabres games. I have no angst about the Bandits, and even if I wanted to get angsty about the Bandits, I couldn’t, because they seemingly always win. The Bandits are just good, clean fun.
Saturday: Along with Heather B, I went over to Gambler’s house to watch the Sabres beat the Hurricanes. Gambler is one of the first friends I made in the hockey blogosphere and it’s kind of ridiculous that I hadn’t met her before now. (She was there waaaaaaay back in the day when I was inconsolable about Chris Drury. I know it’s hard to believe now, but when it happened, I took the Drury thing pretty hard. Gambler was there for every pathetic twist and turn of my earliest sports neuroses.) As expected, Gambler is hilarious and great fun, and so are her parents. It never ceases to amaze me how well online friendships transfer to real life. Basically, the Gamblers kick all sorts of ass, and if you get invited to chill with them at Casa di Gambler, you really ought to accept. You won’t be sorry. Thanks for such a fun evening, guys! (Also, if you don’t already, you better be reading Gambler’s blog. Desperation Hockey is top notch.)
Sunday: I went over to Dinesh and Jeannine’s and watch the Baltimore/Pittsburgh game. I’m rooting for the Steelers because I think Mike Tomlin is extremely handsome.
Monday: Hockey at home. All hail Ryan “Crunchy” Miller.
If I could go back in time two years and tell my former self that in January of 2009, I would happily watch sports for four nights in a row I would have said, “Future Self, you are clearly from an alternate dimension, because that’s bonkers. I would NEVER watch lacrosse, hockey, football, and hockey on four consecutive nights. Never. Get out of town before you destroy the space/time continuum by filling my head with nonsense about a future that simply cannot be.”
Sabres @ Panthers 1/19/09
Published January 19, 2009 Florida Panthers , Game Day , Hooray For Winning! 10 CommentsPregame
Mood: I’m in a great mood today. Full of hope. Just ‘cuz.
Favorite Sabre: My heart says Goose, but my desire to trick the Hockey Gods into providing a second straight game which makes me say, “Huh, Timmy actually is good at hockey” says (shudder)…Tim Connolly.
Least Favorite Sabre: My heart says Tim Connolly. So do my brain, arms, legs, and groin.
Prediction: They played an impressive and dominant game against Carolina the other night, and this is is an important game in the standings, so I’m sure we can count on them to come out strong and give this game their best effort. I think the Stars game was a real turning point and from now on things will be differ- AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I’m sorry, I can’t keep a straight face while saying that.
They’re going to phone it in. This game reeks of the Sabres’ patented, “We played two good games in a row! Surely the next three games will be easy wins. I’m going to save my energy so that when we go to the club after the game I won’t be too sleepy. I wonder if Florida girls have heard of the Sabres….” I’m getting used to the Sabres now. I have this odd feeling…like they can’t hurt me today. (Which I have no doubt is a TERRIBLE thing to say out loud. I’m probably inviting the Sabres to invent some new, horrific way to lose, one that will LITERALLY hurt. Like, after the game, Andrew Peters in going to come over here and punch me in the face, or something.) I’m just saying. I’m looking forward to the game, but my expectations are low.
Battlestar Galactica character representing my hopes for this game: Lee Adama when he was still a pilot, but before that season when he wore the fat suit.
I really want to love this game, but I can’t because it won’t quit whining.
After the 1st (1-0, Panthers)
Mood: zzzzzzzzzz (wipes drool off chin) zzzzz zzzz z zz z (yawn) zzzzzzzzzzzz z
Favorite Sabre: Ryan Miller has been great lately. So, he missed the first penalty shot in his career tonight. I don’t care.
Least Favorite Sabre: Jochen Hecht is fired. I can’t exactly put my finger on why, but he’s fired.
Summary of thoughts: This game has numbed my brain. I have no thoughts, but I do have a vague sense that hockey is incredibly incredibly boring.
Battlestar Galactica character representing this game thus far: Dualla, the boringest woman in the world.
Could you be less interesting? No, no you could not.
After the 2nd (1-1)
Mood: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..wait…what? AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Favorite Sabre: Whichever Panther scored our goal.
Least Favorite Sabre: Eff you, Jochen. Eff you very much.
Summary of thoughts: I very seriously thought that this game was going to end 1-0, and then the Panthers hilariously scored an “own goal”. I bet this game is going to go to a 45 round shooout. We’re going to find out what Goose and Toni Lydman look like in the shootout. I’m thinking “not good”, but I suppose I should wait until then to judge.
Battlestar Galactica character representing this game so far: Because this game is so boring, I was going to say “this rock once appeared on an episode of Battlestar Galactica”
This rock is killing hockey/television with boringness.
…but then the Panthers scored a goal for us, and my heart became filled with grumpy, grumpy hope. So now, I think Saul Tigh represents this game.
“Argh! I don’t even have my pirate eye patch yet. BAH! I’m a grumpy old man and I’m constantly shooting the puck into my own net myself in the foot. Arrr!”
After the 3rd
Mood: Surprisingly entertained. This game is weird.
Favorite Sabre: Crunchy.
Least Favorite Sabre: Whatevs
Summary of thoughts: This game is completely odd. I can’t tell if both of these teams are good or if both of these teams are bad.
Battlestar Galactica character representing this game: Baltar and Six
What the hell is going on here?
Overtime and shootout
The overtime was a hoot! (But PLEASE, Toni Lydman, STOP TAKING BONG HITS BETWEEN PERIODS!) This game got weirdly fun at the end. The Sabres are lucky to get any points, but so are the Panthers I suppose.
Shootout: AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Roy-Z and Al score! I can’t believe we got two points out of this mess.
The Willful Caboose 