Archive for the 'Blobby' Category
Right After the Game Ended I Wrote A Post, But It Was Full Of Swearing And Misery. I Don’t Want To See That Cranky Post In the Morning, So I Took It Down. Sadly, Blobby Is Going To Be Here In the Morning No Matter What, So I Figured, “What the Hell.” :(Published April 21, 2010 Blobby , Eff This , Worst Game Ever 12 Comments
Last night after my concert when I got into my car the score was 2-2. At the time I thought “Cool. I’ll get to watch the end of a feisty game at home before I go back out to meet my peeps for drinks.” In the time it took me to drive ONE (1) MILE, the Penguins scored three times. One mile. Three goals. The Sabres saved their meltdown so that I could fully experience it on my very short commute home from work.
Thank you ever so much, Sabres.
When I got out of my car at home, Blobby was waiting for me on the porch with a bottle of cheap red wine.
“Hey baby, long time no see! How was your summer?”
Is anyone else getting a sinking sort of deja vu feeling? The Sabres we’ve watched for the last ten games are awfully familiar, and not in a good way. The last time I remember feeling this way was right before Blobby stole my credit cards and used them to play online poker for three straight days. He finally stopped when I threatened to call his parole officer, but by then it was too late to make the playoffs get my money back.
I hate to say it, but hockey isn’t doing it for me right now. This shit is no good without the Sabres! I can’t get a good fix. The highs don’t last very long, and the lows leave me feeling irritated but without any of that satisfying “woe is me” emotional drama. Without the emotional drama, these loathsome non-Sabres teams are no good to me! They’re just genuinely annoying. Bah. Phooey. Flibberty-floo.
I’m looking forward to missing hockey when it’s gone. Missing it while it’s still here is upsetting.
Oh, and Blobby called. He says he’s changed. He finally got his accounting degree from University of Phoenix Online and he says he quit smoking. He paid his mother back all the money he stole, and he is trying to make things right with his blobfish children. He wants to “talk”.
So, last week I had to kick Blobby out, because all he was doing was sitting on the couch, smoking cigarettes and drinking malt liquor. I only started hanging out with him because the Sabres were being so lame, and when the Sabres got a little spunky again, I realized I didn’t need someone as toxic as Blobby in my life. I kicked him to the curb.
Well, Blobby must’ve heard about the game last night, because look who showed up this morning all, “Don’t waste your time on the Sabres. Take me back. Lose the zero and get with a hero.”
Now, this has been a pretty rough season to become a Sabres fan, but even missing the playoffs is not enough to drive me back into the arms of a Sabre-less existence. I’m new, not stupid. Hit the road, Blobby.
Blob and I spent the afternoon, hanging out, talking about how much our lives suck, and alternating salty and sweet snacks. Blob’s a really good listener, and when I told him about the Sabres, he nodded sympathetically and told me I deserve better. I feel like Blob really “gets” me.
On an unrelated note, I would like to welcome everyone who is visiting TWC for the first time after reading my latest contribution to Hockey Night in Blogdome on the New York Times website. This post (starring Blob) is pretty typical of the high quality analysis you can expect from The Willful Caboose, so don’t hesitate to ask any questions if you can’t keep up with the furious pace of my hockey intellect.