Hockey Is Back!

…sure, it’s just a bunch of teams don’t I don’t particularly care about playing in Europe, but still! Live hockey!

A few thoughts:

1.  This was me today:

11:55am: Hockeyhockeyhockeyhockeyhockeyhockey!!!   OMGOMGOMG
itsalmosttimeforhockey!!!!!

12:10pm: Sigh.  The Rangers are killing hockey.

I am a rabid hockey fan, and ten minutes into the first game on the first day of the new season and I was immediately all, “Hockey is boring.  zzzzzzz.”  I do have an odd affection for the Lightning, but even they couldn’t overcome the boring style of the Rangers.  It took a few seconds to recall that the Rangers only win in the very least entertaining way possible.  Once I reacquainted myself with the Rangers I decided my early afternoon might be better spent playing viola etudes than spent watching snoozy Chris Drury- so that’s what I did.  (I am now quite adept at short articulated soft notes played at the tip of the bow.  Don’t act like you’re not jealous.)  Thankfully the Pens/Sens game was a lot perkier and I remembered that I rather enjoy hockey.

2.  I cannot STAND Mike Milbury!  I was totally unprepared to see him sharing the stage with Ron and Kelly and I did not take it well.  I adore Kelly Hrudey and he deserves better.  Poo to you, Mike Milbury.  That’s right, I said it.  Poo. To. You.

3.  You guys, I am madly in love with a little show called “The Hockey Academy” on the NHL Network.  The other night, Robin and I were sitting on the couch watching CNN and making plans to stockpile weapons for the upcoming apocalypse when we realized that watching the news was making us crazy.  Being informed citizens is TOTALLY not worth this kind of emotional turmoil; so, I flipped over to the NHL Network in search of less stressful programming- and that’s when we discovered the hockey equivalent of a glass of red wine and a xanax.  The Hockey Academy is a totally earnest Canadian show about skating drills and techniques young players and coaches can use to  improve their game.  I’ve never played hockey so I have no need or desire to improve my game.  I can’t quite explain my love for this show except by saying that I find it to be infinitely soothing.  In these troubled times, “infinitely soothing” is the new “infinitely awesome”.

4. None of the teams today looked particularly formidable, and that made me happy because I really only like the Sabres.  Everyone else is the enemy.  That’s just how I roll.

Sabres vs. Rangers 3/10/08

Tonight I’m going to do something I vowed I would never do again: I’m going to watch the Sabres game on a DVR delay. I have viola related activities scheduled for 3 out of the next 4 game nights. It’s hard to write about games that I don’t watch, so, for the good of the blog (and for the bad of my mental health), I’m going to absorb the carnage “live”. Then I’ll share my slowly unfolding horror with you, starting at about 9:oopm. Doesn’t that sound like fun for everybody?

Feel free to leave spoilers/rants/raves in the comments. I’ll be in a media blackout until I’m all caught up.

Pregame

Mood: Good! I’ve been rehearsing beautiful music with good friends. Life is good.
Favorite Sabre: Aww, who’s a cuter captain than Pommerdoodle? No one. That’s who.
Least Favorite Sabre: Thomas Vanek. Thomas, you made me a promise, and my faith in your ability to deliver is starting to wear thin. It’s time for a little less “slag-faced whore” and a lot more “future of the Sabres”.
Animal representing my hopes for this game: Hm. This is a tough one. Thanks to Eliot Spitzer, I’ve got high-priced escorts on the brain, so I’m going to go with that. I’m going to be really generous and say that my hope is represented by Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”.

She’s cute, but she’s probably got cooties.

After the 1st (1-1)

Mood: Unimpressed.
Favorite Sabre: Pommerdoodle is the only Sabre I trust these days. The dude is such a steady little puppy.
Least Favorite Sabre: Staffy and Millsie, I love you both, but seriously, you suck.
Animal representing my hope for this game: Sigh. Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo

This game is not even remotely funny, you guys.

After the 2nd (2-2)

Mood: I’M ALL WORKED UP!
Favorite Sabre: I’m sticking with the Doodle.
Least Favorite Sabre: I’m still kind of pissed at Staffy. I think Lindy might be too. Has Staffy been benched, or is he just being invisible?
Whore representing my hope for this game: Thomas Vanek, I so want to love you!

Oh sure, he’s a whore. But he’s OUR whore.

At the End (3-2 SO, Rangers)

Mood: So, so sad.
Favorite Sabre: Pommers, you are so easy to root for.
Least Favorite Sabre: Staffy, have you been eating enough brains?
Summary of thoughts: *sniff*
Whore representing my hopes for the playoffs: I really don’t want to do this, but I’m sorry, the Sabres have left me no choice….

It’s not pretty, folks.

UPDATE: Okay, I’m going to depart from the format because I’m don’t feel ready to quit bitching about this game. All of our defensemen are broken, which might not matter because we are running out of time anyway, but still. Poor Pratt and Toni Tone Tony had to play, like, 735 minutes tonight. I feel like this game was the sum of all fears. The Sabres are broken, and down and out. Bucky Gleason gets to gloat. Chris Drury is smug. The crazies get to rant on WGR. Crunchy seems worn out and worn down. Getting to the playoffs will require a near miracle.

BUT, Goose did look very cute in his rally helmet. It’s not nothing, I suppose. Plaintive HONK! (I’m not sure how straight men and lesbians can tolerate sports on nights like tonight.)

Marian Gaborik, Ranger Killer

I’ve decided that while I’m in Minnesota, I’m going to fully commit to being Wild fan. Watching or listening to the Sabres games while I am here would require saying ridiculous things like, “I know I haven’t seen you since last Christmas, but tonight I’m going to sit in the office and listen to the game on my computer. Please leave me alone.” It’s just not feasible, nor is it good for Katebits-family relations. So, I will not be watching the Sabres games this weekend.

I did however, watch the Wild play the Rangers last night on television, and all I have to say about that is “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”. Marian Gaborik was hilariously unstoppable, and the Rangers were just so feeble. I think my favorite part of the game was in the last few minutes, when the Wild had a two man advantage, and the players were sending goofy, unrealistic passes over to Gaborik instead of taking shots themselves. Towards the end of the game, the whole enterprise had turned into a Gaborik-centric spectacle. Awesome.