Archive for February, 2010

Hockey Is Awesome

That game did not end how I wanted it to end, but overall, I feel pretty warm and fuzzy about the whole thing.  Cheering for Team USA was a joy, and at the center of that joy was our very own Ryan Miller.  Hockey could not have put on a better show for the Olympics, and I’m proud to call myself a fan of this sport.

Now, it’s time to come home, Crunchy!  We’ll be very gentle with you for the next few weeks.  We promise not to bug you at Wegmans.  We’ll just quietly send you good vibes, and it will be straight from our very grateful hearts.

Chin Up

Ryan Miller has never been more determined to grow wings and learn to fly than he is right now.

Crunchy Calls TWC

Guess what, you guys!  Ryan Miller called me up earlier today and told me he wanted to give TWC an exclusive interview!  I know!  This is so exciting and unexpected!  I mean sure, Ryan is a nice guy, but who would ever expect him to go out of his way to give a lowly blogger an interview?  It’s almost too good to be true!


Here’s the transcript of our conversation:

(phone rings)

Katebits: (answers phone) You’ve reached TWC headquarters.  Whenever there’s trouble, we’re there on the double.  How may I direct your call?

Ryan Miller: I’d like to speak to Katebits.

Katebits: Speaking.

Ryan Miller: This is Crunchy.

Katebits: Shut up, Heather.  I know it’s you.  STOP PRANK CALLING ME, BEEYOTCH. (hangs up)

(phone rings)

Katebits: (answers phone) You’ve reached TWC headquarters.  Whenever there’s trouble, we’re there on the double.  How may I direct your call?

Ryan Miller: I’d like to speak to Katebits

Katebits: Speaking.

Ryan Miller: This is CrunchyDON’THANGUP!

Katebits: Heather, I’m serious.  I’m gonna call the cops.  Leave me alone.


Katebits: Oh really?  Well, if you’re Crunchy, tell me something only Crunchy would know.

Ryan Miller: Lindy Ruff wears a mustache toupee.

Katebits: OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!  Holy mackerel.  That’s scandalous.  Hm.  Well, that’s proof enough for me that this is Ryan Miller.

Ryan Miller: Please, call me Crunchy.

Katebits: Thank you.  I will.  So, Crunchy, how may I help you?

Ryan Miller: I just wanted to tell you that I am going to win the gold for SURE.  Like, for SUPER DUPER MEGA FOR SURE.  I guarantee it.  You can write that down on your blog.  ALSO, my girlfriend is going to win an Oscar.  AND as god is my witness, by this time next year, I will be able to fly. You have my personal guarantee.

Katebits: (furiously scribbling all of the information down) Okay, let me make sure I’ve got all of this- You are guaranteeing that the Americans will win gold, that your girlfriend will win an Oscar, and that you will learn to fly by the end of the year?

Ryan Miller: Correct.

Katebits: How are you going to fly?  That seems like a REALLY difficult task.

Ryan Miller: I can’t really get into the details, but I’m in the early stages of an experimental treatment which will generate wings. You can write that down on your blog.

Katebits: You’re growing wings?

Ryan Miller: Correct.

Katebits: Wow.  This is going to be the blog scoop of the century.  It seems so out of character for you to be making such bold predictions.  Ordinarily you’re pretty careful not to sound too cocky.

Ryan Miller: Well this time I AM cocky.  I’m cocksure, if you will.  You can write that down on your blog.

Katebits: Alright, Crunchy.  I’ll put all of this on the blog, exactly as you told it to me.

Ryan Miller: Thank you, Katebits.  Also, Baba Booey.

Katebits: Sure thing, Crunchy.  Thanks for calling in. Best of luck tomorrow, and….Baba Booey, to you and your family as well.

(Katebits hangs up)


So, there you have if folks!  We’re WINNING THE GOLD TOMORROW!  WOOOOOOOOOO!!!


INCREDIBLY DISTURBING UPDATE: It turns out that WASN’T Ryan Miller.  It was that BEEYOTCH, Heather B*, pranking me. AGAIN.

The Willful Caboose would like to apologize to Ryan Miller for misrepresenting his name.  We would also like to apologize to his girlfriend, and to the scientists who are feverishly working to grow him wings.  We deeply regret this mistake.


*We would also like to apologize to Heather B, who had absolutely nothing to do with this post.  We have no choice but to admit, that in this particular instance, she is not a beeyotch.

A Post

Watching Olympic hockey absolutely exhausts me.  I think I’m forgetting to blink.  After a game I have that tired feeling in my face, like I’ve been crying all day.

I can’t believe they made it to the gold medal game.  I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!



When the Olympics are over, can we keep Parise, Kesler, and Drury?  (And by “we” I mean “The Sabres” aka: America’s Hockey Team) Pleeeeease?

I’ll be honest, I did NOT expect to get this wrapped up in USA Hockey.  I figured I’d sort of casually check out the teams, pick out a scrappy non-Canada/non-Russian favorite and spend the majority of the games praying that Ryan Miller escapes injury-free.  But no.  I’m in love with this.  I love Team USA.  I’m happily cheering for Rangers, and Devils, and LEAFS, and I just don’t even care.

This whole thing feels like a summer camp romance.  It’s temporary, and soon we’ll all go back to our regular lives (with the stupid old Sabres), but for now, it’s love.  Pure, giddy love.  I never want summer camp to end.

Own the Podium

While I was drinking my coffee and puttering around online this morning, I stumbled upon this article about the Canadian “Own the Podium” program.

Now look, I’m all for our Canadian friends picking up their fair share of medals, and I also applaud the idea that finishing 4th isn’t good enough, but good grief.  This program just seems so…un-Canadian.

Look what you did, Canada!  Now all your athletes are underachieving and freaking out under the pressure.  They’re crying when they lose because they feel like they’ve let the country down.  That’s not cool, Canada.  Canadians don’t need to dominate- you guys are supposed to be nice and chillaxed.  That’s your thing.  You don’t want to be like the USA and China and Russia.  Sure we win lots of medals, but we’re also kind of a-holes.  You guys are supposed to nicer than us.  Come on.

Anyway, the whole thing reminds me of the episode of Arrested Development when George Michael, encouraged by his well meaning but delusional father, decides to run for student body president.  I’ve had little clips of that episode running through my head all day, specifically the line, “Everybody loves you!  You’re George Michael CANADA! Who’s cooler than you?”

Vodpod videos no longer available.The thing is, everyone DOES love George Michael.
…(but we’re still voting for STEVE HOLT).

U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!

6 Things: EVERYONE Loves Crunchy Edition

I know I’ve been overly reliant on bullet points lately, but I don’t care!  WOOOOOO!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!

1. You know you’re all revved up about hockey when you wake up in the morning and the first thought in your head is “CRUNCH-Y!  CRUNCH-Y!  CRUNCH-Y!”  I can’t imagine a more fun introduction to Olympic hockey than this.  It’s amazing to feel such ownership of the US team.  For the zillionth time, thanks for being awesome, Crunchy.

2. Can you BELIEVE that the win last night set up a probable CAN/RUS non-medal game?  One of the two, either Russia or Canada, is going to leave the Olympics with nothing. Hell, it might turn out that Russia was the biggest loser last night.  That is MIND BOGGLING.

3. Admittedly, I’m being hugely influenced by Ryan Miller’s participation, but I’ve been surprised by my capacity to cheer for Team USA.  Before the Olympics began I was kind of worried about the “Drury Ick” factor.  I mean, cheering for my country is one thing, but cheering for Chris Drury and Phil Kessel? Gross!  Turns out, it’s no problem whatsoever.  In fact, when Drury scored last night I had a long moment of, “OMG…..I love that clutch-y guy.”  The only thing saving me from a complete Drury love-fest is his lack of a playoff beard.  I’d be toast if he had that beard right now.  T-O-A-S-T.

4. As much as I’ve enjoyed my temporary journey into sports-related jingoism, I do think everyone should cool it with the comparisons to the 1980 US team.   It’s rare that the USA gets to enjoy being the underdog, but let’s not blow this TOTALLY out of proportion.  I mean, our team is composed of NHLers too.  Crunchy may look like a homeless high school dropout, but in reality he’s a highly skilled professional who makes $6.25 million a year being a goalie.  That said, I love love love love love LOVE that our team is scrappier, hard-working-er, feistier, and heart-i-er.  Let’s just enjoy this win for what it is: TOTALLY PHONKING AWESOME on its own merits.  WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

5. I’ve watched the replay a dozen times and I STILL don’t understand how Ryan Kesler got that puck into the open net.  From where I’m sitting it looks like Kesler just magically out-hotted it past Corey Perry.

6. I thought Crunchy’s fresh-off-the-ice postgame interview was incredibly interesting last night.  He was so subdued.  He seemed overwhelmed and exhausted, but then there were occasional glimmers of child-like excitement in his answers.

I’ve written a bit about how Ryan Miller is interesting to me in my role as a performer (of music), and last night was one of those instances times INFINITY.  Last night he was on a huge international stage, he performed like a rockstar, but even when it was all over you could see that he was fighting to stay focused on the bigger goal.  This highly cultivated focus is why I’m fascinated by Ryan Miller, but the vulnerability he shows when he lets down his guard is why I adore him.  The interview last night had it all.

I am so grateful that Ryan Miller is the guy I get to watch every night playing in goal for the Sabres.  He’s always interesting, that guy.  Always.

…A Blog About the Buffalo Sabres

Observations 2
I can be reached at: willfulcaboose [at] gmail [dot] com

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