Archive for the 'Nonsense' Category

The Jaws Of Victory

I used to have a cat named Trixie. Trixie wasn’t the brightest. Once I watched her bat around an ant for a good ten minutes. (Now that I’ve written that last sentence, I’m wondering if maybe this story says more about me than it says about Trixie.) Anyway, eventually Trixie ate the ant and I was all, “Good work, Trix. You got him.”

But then, Trixie looked over at me all wide-eyed, and she stuck out her tongue, and the ant fell out of her mouth and onto the ground.  I kid you not, THE ANT STOOD UP, BRUSHED HIMSELF OFF, AND SAUNTERED AWAY. I think I heard him whistling a little “don’t mind me,” song as he nonchalantly slipped out of Trixie’s reach.

The Sabres reminded me of that ant tonight. I do not know how they walked away from that game victorious, but they did.

(Actually, I do know how they did it: MILL-ERRRRRRRR!)

What Might Have Been

I think I was pretty well-behaved during the limo event on Wednesday, but I did have one privately experienced moment of kooky Kate-ness during the drive.

At one point towards the end of the afternoon, I put my sunglasses in my purse and when I did, I was reminded that I’d brought Post-Its and a Sharpie along. (The reason I had Post-Its and a Sharpie in my purse is uninteresting and irrelevant, but I’d like to be clear- I never had any intention of asking anyone for an autograph. I miiiiight’ve been hoping that Ted Black would let me put a Post-It on his lapel that said, “Hello, My Name Is, Monsieur Homeslice Sir Rocks-a-lot,” but I digress.)

Anyway, I saw these Post-Its and I suddenly had a perfect vision of what I would do with them if I were living in “Kate’s Whimsical Dream World” instead of “reality.”

For a few brief seconds I daydreamed about surreptitiously taking out the Post-Its, writing a big “C” on one of them, quickly slapping it on Vanek’s jersey, and then before he realized what was happening, I’d take a picture of him.

I'll get you with this C in my dreams, Thomas Vanek.

These are the types of things that flash through your head when you’re riding in a limo with Thomas Vanek.

Meet Matt Phillips, Super Violist.

I’ve known Matt Phillips, a violist in the Buffalo Philharmonic, for about ten years now. For the first five years I knew him, he was basically just an ordinary violist like the rest of us. Matt was certainly never visibly out of shape, it’s just that he was no more or less athletic than your average classical musician.

At some point along the way, things changed. At some point, Matt started jogging. I say “at some point” because from my perspective, one day Matt was just a regular, non-runner like most people, and the next day he was… running marathons. It seriously seemed like it happened overnight. Even now, if you ask Matt, “So, let me get this straight. One day, out of the blue, you just started running extremely long distances?” he’s just like, “Yeah, pretty much.”

Matt is obviously really good at running. He’s also really good at the viola. He seems to be some new breed. A “Super Violist”, if you will.

First he will try to defeat you by playing the viola, and if somehow that doesn't work, he will beat you in a foot race. Enemies, beware.

Now whenever Matt takes a day off from work we all assume that he’s running a race somewhere. When he returns to work he’s always extremely nonchalant about whatever ridiculous feat of strength he’s accomplished.  I don’t know much about racing, but Matt always seems to place very high, and sometimes he even wins the race. (My favorite story of Matt winning a race is when he won the Erie Philharmonic’s 5k. Orchestras are very supportive of one another, because as an industry there is absolutely no benefit to being competitive. That said, it’s still amusing when someone in one orchestra wins the 5K of another orchestra.)

Why am I writing about this on my hockey blog? I’m glad you asked!

Yesterday, Matt ran in the “Hamburg Character Chase”. If I’m reading the race results correctly, he placed 5th overall, and 1st in his age group. That’s some pretty good running, Matt!

Here are the results. I’ve blocked out most of the other names because I don’t know if it’s kosher to re-post race results, but please scroll down for an amusing surprise.

It’s official. The Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra has defeated the Buffalo Sabres on the field of athletics. When the Sabres feel they are ready to challenge us to a Battle of the Orchestras, we will be ready to defend our turf.  For now… advantage, BPO.

Your move, Sabres.



Life After Sabres

This has nothing to do with anything, but I got temporarily wrapped up in the royal wedding today. I fully concede that the whole thing is nonsense, but I do love a spectacle. I’ve always gotten a kick out of the royals (how about those Fergie daughters today? Hillllarious), but I’ve never paid super close attention to them.

Anyhooch, I spent a few minutes tonight reading about Diana and Charles’ wedding, and, as things tend to go on the interwebs, one thing led to another, and then next thing I knew, I was looking at this picture.

Did they get this photo taken at Sears?

Made me laugh.


I wish the Sabres were still playing.

2 Awesome Sabres Related Things That Have Recently Arrived In the Mail

1.  I’ve left two suggestions in the Sabres’ suggestion box so far.  Give us warm water in the bathroom, and give us prettier playoff tickets.

Done annnnnd done.

They're not the PRETTIEST tickets I've ever seen, but they are ONE MILLION times sassier than the plain old Ticketmaster playoff tickets I got last season.



2. Elise, wonderful, wonderful Elise wove me a Sabres potholder!  I KNOW!  This is particularly awesome because Elise is a Bruins fan. Who is better than Elise?  NO ONE!


"My stove has spirit, yes it do. My stove has spirit, how 'bout you?!"

I really truly love my Sabres potholder.

Lesson #1: WHAT is Going On In Net?

If you’re a Sabres fan, you were probably jumping for JOY after the Hurricanes game on Sunday.  That was good, good stuff.  But Sabres fans were also likely feeling VERY confused.  Why does Miller look so… different?  When did Ryan Miller get so short? And Swedish?  And non-cranky?  What’s going on?

I understand.  This is a really confusing situation.  But don’t worry, Sabres fan.  I’m here to help.  We’re going to figure this out.

Sabres fans, let me try to spell this out for you, in clear, easy to understand language.  What we have here is, not one, but TWO GOOD GOALIES.

Before you freak out, let me say that again.

Not only do we have the first good goalie (Crunchy), but we ALSO have a new good goalie (Enroth).  Do you get it? Here… let me try to say it another way.  You know how before, when Crunchy got hurt, Lindy would play Lalime and everything would be non-stop losing and terribleness?  It’s not like that anymore.  Now, Lindy can play Enroth. Unlike Lalime, Enroth is good at playing hockey.  Now do you understand?


That’s okay.  I’ve brought some helpful visual aids.


ALSO good

Handsome, but not good. Most importantly, not relevant to the conversation.

Don’t feel bad if you don’t understand at first.  Take your time.  This is a difficult concept to grasp.

The Sabres are in the middle of a super tight playoff race, and our starting goalie is injured in some mysterious upper-body-ish type way.  BUT (and here’s where it get’s tricky), all hope is not lost.  You see, Enroth, appears to be really, really good under pressure.  The Sabres are winning IN SPITE of Miller’s injury, because they have an additional good goalie.  Get it?

If you call yourself a Buffalo Sabres fan, and you’re not just a little bit in love with Jhonas Enroth, you need to go to the doctor to make sure that you actually have a heart and that you’re still capable of love.  Because Jhonas Enroth is the bees knees. Jhonas Enroth is a breath of fresh air, he’s the light of our lives, he’s little cutie pie.  Jhonas Enroth is adorable, and fancy, surprising, hilariously small, and (as far as I can tell) wonderful in EVERY way. Jhonas Enroth is all that and a delicious Swedish meatball.  He’s AWESOME, but he is a different person than Ryan Miller.

Jhonas Enroth is the effing BEST.  He’s the best….except for Ryan Miller.

1 good goalie + 1 good goalie = good times.  It’s science!

Tune in tomorrow for lesson #2: Who the Eff are These Guys?

We thought he sucked, but he doesn't.

He's tiny, but he's also good at hockey. Apparently.

NOT Max Afinogenov

This guy is a Sabre.

Not chopped liver

I have no idea who this is.


Pommerdoodle Is Bringing His “A” Game

Jason Pominville has always been the cuddliest of the Sabres, but when exactly did he turn into an actual Muppet?

Good boy, Doodle!

And don’t forget, Sabres fans, “The Willful Caboose = Hard Hitting Sabres Analysis”.   We bring you the news that other Sabres outlets are afraid to touch.



Total aside: In my research for this post I stumbled upon this video.  TWC readers above the age of 30 may remember this classic clip where Bert tries to give Brad a bath but Ernie comes along to fill the tub with millions of toys.  Ernie gets silly, Bert gets exasperated, everyone wins.  I totally forgot about Bert’s adorable nephew Brad.

That little guy is almost as cute as Pommerdoodle.

…A Blog About the Buffalo Sabres

Observations 2
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