During the SuperSkillz competition on Saturday, I was delighted to catch a glimpse of Sabretooth galavanting around in the background during an on-ice interview with Jason Spezza. I’m so glad that Sabretooth got to go to the All-Star game! Seriously, of all the current Sabres, I honestly think he might be the person I trust the most to represent Buffalo. Plus, knowing that he was in Atlanta filled my head with all sorts of delightful images: Sabretooth on a plane. (Does he get to fly first class?) Sabretooth waiting at the baggage claim at the airport. Sabretooth in a swanky hotel room, looking for a good movie to watch on pay-per-view. (No, not porn! Sabretooth would NEVER!) Sabretooth splashing some water on his face in the morning before he pulls on his jersey.
And THEN, while visiting Full. Body. Transplant. this morning, I saw this amazing photograph.
By my count, there are 23 mascots here, which means seven teams were unrepresented. Removing a few Marty Broduer-like “I’m having family problems, but, no, no, don’t worry, everyone is fine” diva mascots, I would say there are a few teams that either don’t have a mascot at all (LAME), or were too cheap to send their mascot (UNFORGIVABLE).
Of course, as wonderful as a picture like this is, it also raises a LOT of questions that I know will never be answered to my satisfaction. Do you think that when these mascots get together in a big group like this, that they talk, um, outloud? Or do they all just stand around together, gesturing theatrically? Did the Sabres send the good, repelling Sabretooth, or did they send the threadbare Hobo-Sabretooth that stands on the concourse before the games at HSBC? Who is that weird bear/wolf thing in the upper left, and why is his tongue dangling out like that? Why are there no female mascots? Why the FUCK is the Hurricane mascot a pig? Do the shoes come off of that pig, or are those just fake shoes designed to deflect attention from what I assume should be hooves?
And most importantly, what is up with this guy?
According to the Columbus Blue Jackets website, his name is Stinger, which I guess would make him a bee. In his bio he lists “brushing his teeth” as one of his hobbies. I’m really not sure how I feel about Stinger.