The Throne Series

So, there was an All-Star game last night. I thought it was pretty boring until the last three minutes, which were admittedly fun. It was interesting to see the players get competitive after 55 minutes of watching them skate around like little old ladies. Soupy got a bunch of points, sooooo, that should really help smooth things over in his contract negotiations. Mostly, I was underwhelmed with the All-Star weekend. It was fun to see the players acting like real people, having fun and joking around, but the hockey part was kind of lame. Hockey doesn’t really lend itself well to a watered down “let’s not get hurt” version. I like the idea of a midseason break, but I think the NHL should just give up the ghost and show us some kind of three-day reality show starring the All-Stars.

In spite of all of its flaws, the All-Star weekend did produce one truly awesome result: The Throne Series

King Joe

This situation with the throne is rife with unintentional comedy.

Photographer: So, okay guys, you’re Kings. Not L.A Kings, but you know, real Kings. Leaders of men. You are powerful and strong and virile. I want you to sit down on this red throne. You are a KING! You are a stud upon your throne. Now, I want you to hold this hockey stick. This is your scepter. This stick is a symbol of your power as a man. Got it?

Vincent Lecavalier: Done.

Daniel Alfredsson: I am uncomfortable with this game.

Zdeno Chara: I’m going to take this opportunity to make Katebits love me. She thinks she hates me now; in fact, she booed me the last time we were in Buffalo. But I’m pretty cute. She’ll see.

Brian Campbell: Where am I? Don’t let unsightly veins veins veins ruin your life. Sweat must be stopped! Seriously, though. Am I wearing a fanny-pack?

Patrick Kane: I am your Elvish Prince!

Ryan Geztlaf: I was born to sit on this throne. Ladies, remove your shirts.

Alexander Ovechkin: That’s right….dance, jester. Dance.

Tomas Vokoun: This is bullshit. Stop trying to make me pose with an obvious phallic symbol. I won’t have any part of this. Act like an adult. (Sighs dramatically) I hate you guys.

********

Tomas is right. Grow up, people!

26 Responses to “The Throne Series”


  1. 1 Destiny January 28, 2008 at 1:15 am

    Soupy should be posing with a dramatic finger point. I really think that’s his look.

    Holy crap Ovechkin is goofy looking. I’m glad I booed him when I went to DC last year. :)

  2. 2 Heather B. January 28, 2008 at 1:32 am

    Yay, Joe! You used that one just for me, didn’t you? (“Yes, of course!” is the only appropriate response, btw.)

    Okay, the picture of Chara peeking over the top of the throne? Pretty cute. As is little Petey Kane with his feet all up on the furniture.

  3. 3 Jaime January 28, 2008 at 9:15 am

    Ok I’ve been reading your blog for about a month now and have never felt the need to respond BUT…. this was so funny!

  4. 4 Glenn January 28, 2008 at 9:34 am

    I bow before your comedic abilities…
    You are the wind beneath my wings…

  5. 5 Gambler January 28, 2008 at 9:39 am

    Am I wearing a fanny-pack?

    Yes! How appropriate! (In Berlin you can recognize hookers from the fanny packs that they wear.)

    Man, I didn’t even watch any All Star stuff, and I’m having a complete Charbacca epiphany. Looks like what you said about his witchcraft was right, Katebits, because I’m totally under its spell.

  6. 6 Meg January 28, 2008 at 9:46 am

    (In Berlin you can recognize hookers from the fanny packs that they wear.)

    :^::::::::::: That just sounds so utterly unsexy.

    And Chara totally has this throne posing down. I have to say, I’ve never seen him look as good as he did this past weekend. He usually looks so fed-radioactive-material-as-a-child.

    Kane is good, too. Maybe his feet didn’t quite touch the floor and unlike St. Louis he decided to do something about it.

  7. 7 Katebits January 28, 2008 at 10:22 am

    Hi, Jamie! Thanks for reading! I’m glad you liked this one!

    Hmmm. Gambler, I forgot about Charbacca’s black magick. Perhaps he is casting a spell over us. (That is awesome that hookers wear fanny-packs in Germany. Soupy is such a whore. :P)

    He usually looks so fed-radioactive-material-as-a-child.

    :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    So true! All of a sudden he looks so sweet. It’s really confusing.

  8. 8 Tricia January 28, 2008 at 10:34 am

    Kate,

    I’ve been reading your blog for about a month now & love it. My husband started reading it now, too. When Soupy assisted on the game winner last night, we both sighed & he said, “Wonder what katebits will have to say about that.” :)

    Tricia

  9. 9 Pookie January 28, 2008 at 10:37 am

    Ryan Geztlaf: I was born to sit on this throne. Ladies, remove your shirts.

    It’s an Epiphvinny of Getzi porportions!

  10. 10 S(h)ara January 28, 2008 at 10:38 am

    Having been recently converted from a Soupy lover to a Roy lover in order to keep myself from going insane, in Soupy’s defense, he looks MUCH better in person than he does all sweaty and nasty in those pictures. That boy does not photograph well.

  11. 11 kathee January 28, 2008 at 11:05 am

    No, no, no! Soupy is icky! ICKY I say! You cannot convince me otherwise!

    And my personal nickname for Chara is “Lurch”. Hee.

  12. 12 Katebits January 28, 2008 at 11:06 am

    Tricia, AWWW! Your comment has made my morning! You know, I had A LOT more to say about Soupy’s A-S performance, but at the last minute I felt kind of bad bitching about him so much. He IS a current Sabre, afterall. Argh! But I HATE Soupy!

    …….he looks MUCH better in person than he does all sweaty and nasty in those pictures.

    S(h)ara, I’ll buy that, although, in truth, I am much more offended by him whining about his contract in public than I am by his drowned rat look. Can seeing him in person erase the quote, “My value goes up month by month” from my memory? :P

  13. 13 fullbodytransplant January 28, 2008 at 11:24 am

    Subtitle: Is that a hockey stick in your pocket or are you just glad to sit on the throne?

    The game was actually hilarious. Here’s my take:

    http://fullbodytransplant.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/the-dumbest-use-of-technology-in-sports-history/

    Good times.

  14. 14 S(h)ara January 28, 2008 at 11:40 am

    Can seeing him in person erase the quote, “My value goes up month by month” from my memory? :P

    Alas, no, which is why my love for him is dying with each passing day. Derek Roy is the wave of the future!! :)

  15. 15 CrotchetyOriginalSam January 28, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    That just sounds so utterly unsexy.

    You think it sounds unsexy? Wait ’til you actually see a Berlin hooker. Let’s just say that Germany’s ladies of the night aren’t exactly the Swedish Bikini Team. (Yes, I realize what I’ve just set myself up for. Fire away, but before you do, know that I’m actually gay.)

    On another note, is it just me or is Ovechkin looking more like Gheorghe Muresan every day? Maybe it’s something about playing in DC…

    http://www.cis-ss.msu.edu/dcstudy/PhotoAlbum/Fall%202005/FS05%20062.JPG

  16. 16 danielleia January 28, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    HAHAHA!! Flavvaaa Flaaaavvvv. I can see it on VH1 already.

    And, Yellow 19 has just won the hardest shot competition with a **102.8** in the AHL allstars (way to rep the Sabres & Sparky)!!!! Look out CHARA.

  17. 17 Meg January 28, 2008 at 1:35 pm

    You think it sounds unsexy? Wait ’til you actually see a Berlin hooker. Let’s just say that Germany’s ladies of the night aren’t exactly the Swedish Bikini Team.

    See, the only time I’ve seen female (as opposed to transvestite) hookers was in Italy. So you know, for any skeevy, straight male readers of The Willful Caboose, should you be looking for hot hookers there are some pretty good looking ones wandering around Rome clad only in lace. Don’t say I never did anything for you.

  18. 18 Katebits January 28, 2008 at 1:49 pm

    Hi, fullbodytransplant!

  19. 19 fullbodytransplant January 28, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    Hi Katebits!

    Did you know that Stu Barnes is God?

  20. 21 Shari January 28, 2008 at 2:28 pm

    And here all this time, I thought George Burns was God!

  21. 22 Schnookie January 28, 2008 at 2:46 pm

    On another note, is it just me or is Ovechkin looking more like Gheorghe Muresan every day?

    THAT’S who I’ve been trying to think of. Sam, it is not just you.

    And I want to state for the record that the throne picture of Vinny just made me epiphvinny right here at my desk at work.

  22. 23 Sherry January 28, 2008 at 10:06 pm

    I had been looking everywhere for Alfie’s throne picture. He could not look anymore awkward sitting there.

    And have you seen Spezza’s throne picture? The camera is tilted all dramatic and everything. You can so tell he used to model.

  23. 24 Katebits January 28, 2008 at 10:13 pm

    Sherry, I think that Alfie faired the worst in the throne series. His is even worse than Soupy’s, and that’s saying A LOT.

  24. 25 Patty (in Dallas) January 29, 2008 at 1:24 am

    Vincent Lecavalier: Done.

    Okay. I can kind of see it in that picture. :D


  1. 1 No More Thinking About Bears « Sabre Kallisions Trackback on November 21, 2008 at 6:16 pm

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